Saturday, January 19, 2008

My personal experience: the old mass affecting the new

Something i was thinking about today was the changes that the extraordinary form of the mass has caused in my liturgical and devotional life. It is interesting to note that for the first year of my encounter with the older form of the mass, it caused some confusion because of the great number of differences in the calendar structure and in the mass itself compared to the post-Vat. II calendar and liturgy. Also, because i had a pretty immediate attraction to the latin mass, i found going to the NO of the mass on weekdays to be frustrating at times as i came to understand better and better the richness of the EF of the mass.
However, i would like to say that i think (and hope) a balance is being reached in my life. I am still very much attracted to the EF mass, but it has now become a cause of enrichment of my experience of and participation in the NO of the mass. The EF mass, with its more set structure has given me a more solid foundation for truly praying the mass in union with the priest even when going to the NO of the mass. The EF mass has helped me to internalize the Eucharistic prayer, (or I prefer to always refer to it as THE Roman Canon) so that even despite the lack of quiet externally in a NO daily or weekend mass, i have been more easily able to foster that silence within by in a sense ignoring a lot of the spoken text of the priest in the NO of the mass because i have internalized his prayers and so unite my prayer with his. There are still times when this is hard, especially at daily masses when 1) Eucharistic prayer 2 is pretty much used by default, which makes me feel thrown into the consecration without preparation and hinders me from being able to properly offer the sacrifice and myself and my prayers with the priest to the Lord, and 2) when priests rush through this part of the mass, showing a lack of reverence and awe at this most powerful and mysterious sacramental reality taking place, especially when it can already be so short by use of Euch. prayer 2.
For me, there is one Roman canon. it is now imprinted upon my soul and i can pray no other at mass. I think that this is a special grace of the EF of the mass with its one set canon, which goes back at least to the 6th century. It has aided my internal prayer at the NO of the mass greatly.
Maybe this post will help even one priest to understand the power of the Roman Canon, or Eucharistic prayer 1.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I actually have a few moments to make a post. I am not so stressed as i was at the beginning of the week. The Lord will give me the strength to deal with everything that he has placed before me if i remain faithful to Him and spend time in quiet with him. My greatest concern to start this semester has been that i won't have the time that i know i need alone with the Lord to grow in my relationship with him and deeper in love with him. So i pray that this concern does not become a reality by my own fault. I embark this semester with deeper thoughts about vocation and a call to search deeper within myself. I am coming ever closer to discovering the calling that God has placed within me of what i am called to be. My retreat in a cloister has provided much food for thought even if it wasn't the most enjoyable experience. I have learned several things. One, i know for sure i am not called to cloistered religious life, if i am called to live in community; two, i believe i have come out with a greater dependence on God, but it will need to be fostered continually by prayer and silence if it is to bear the fruits of humility and greater charity and all other virtues; three, that i had at least partially fallen into the modern trap of thinking of a vocation along the lines of what i am called to do rather than what i am called to be; fourth, this greater understanding of vocation has led me into a whole other level so to speak of my vocational discernment that is at once more complex and at times tiring because i just desire to know where I am called, but at the same time i am driven on for my heart will be restless until it rests in God; fifth, time needs to be taken this last semester to grow to a deeper understanding of my talents and what i do as the fruit of my vocation, and so converse with the Lord as to how the passions and talents that are rooted deep within me are to be part of my vocation or affect it; sixth, I have learned that there is also the Order of Virgins as a way of publicly being consecrated to the Lord but living in the world, which i will look into as well as religious communities; seventh, without community of some sort, of really close friends to share with each other our spiritual journeys, I become lost quite easily. Even if consecrated in the world, i would need at least 1 0r 2 people to share like this with.
And really there is probably much more that i have learned from having taken retreat, which will bear fruit in due time. May i remember to place all in the care of Our Lady.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Few posts

I will say now that I at least know that until after May, my posts will probably be few and far between. I'm in my last semester of college, with 18 credits, a senior recital in 4 weeks, 2 classes requiring traveling off campus, and job searching to do for after i graduate. Things will be a bit stressful. for any of you who read this blog, say a prayer for me! I'm going to need it, i already am feeling the stress, and it's only the first day back...