Catholic musician of the NLM

Lent

2010-03-05T00:50:00.002-05:00

Once again, it has been too long since I have posted, and I also should be headed to bed, but I will take a couple minutes to at least give an update. This lent I have once again committed to something in the three areas: Prayer, penance and almsgiving. I have decided to make an extra hour for prayer in my life, every day, and preferrably in front of the Blessed Sacrament. It is helping me cope sooo much better with all the other things going on in my life, and giving me greater clarity in decision making. (duh, right?) I definitely plan to keep it up after Easter. I then decided to give up sweets as my penance, even on Sundays. Trust me, it's hard for me. Lastly, I am once again collecting my money for the Rice Bowl program, although that isn't much right now.
I got laid off from my full time job mid-January, so things have gotten really tight. I have been getting my own home business started, but it's not happening fast enough, so I have prayed persistently for some sort of part time work to stay afloat that would ALSO work around previous music commitments made. Praise God, this week, I found a job at Elizabeth Anna's, a garden center. I will be out doing small landscape jobs, and today was my first day. It was so wonderful to be outside all day and doing manual labor. I really do miss it. It will be wonderful even just for a few months, doing this kind of work. It will be part-time, so I can continue to work on my own business.
The previous music commitments made have to do with Holy Week, and the weekend after that. By the grace of God, I will be able to make it to Mater Ecclesiae again to sing! I am so happy about it, I really need it as a retreat as well as visiting with old friends. It may be the last time I can do it until I move back east someday (I hope). The second music committment is a wedding back home for a cousin. I have been very blessed to have found a part time job to sustain me that was willing to work around those dates with me.
I have a music concert this weekend with the denton back society, which has been helping to keep my voice in shape. I also will have a Texas wedding to sing for in a couple weeks. The young couple wanted traditional music and actually happened to find me through this blog! That was really neat to learn.
That's things in a nut shell right now. There are other things going on in my life, personally and spiritually, but this would not be the place to share them with people I know. So I bid everyone good night and God Bless your families.

A Christmas Twist!

2009-12-25T03:53:00.005-05:00

This Christmas Eve was truly a night of unexpected surprises! Texas has had, for the first time in about 80 years, from what I have been told: A White Christmas! The snow actually stuck on the ground, and it got very windy. There was enough for small snowdrifts! Unbelievable in Texas. It was truly a wonderful blessing for Christmas, since I have from Vermont and at LEAST like to have a white Christmas. Well, even in Texas, I was granted that beautiful sight! Just so you all can see it and believe it:

However, with this wonderful blessing of a white Christmas came some unexpected change of plans musically and liturgically. Alas, I could not make it to Dallas for midnight mass with the latin mass community. I was supposed to sing a Victoria's "O Magnum Mysterium" mass and everything, but with the way the highways are constructed here and the fact that they have NOTHING to put on the roads, I didn't make it far. It would have been EXTREMELY treacherous. I never would have thought that a couple inches of snow would be so treacherous, but it was also the ice underneath. You see, in Texas, I think the road engineers pride themselves in seeing how many overpasses they can stack on top of one another and loop through one another. So their highways are way up in the air and so they froze over VERY BADLY with ice. There were sooo many cars spinning off the road, even when going 30 mph! I would have been afraid not so much that I would spin off the road myself, but that someone else would lose control and hit my car! It would have taken forever to get to Dallas going that speed anyway.

However, God works in interesting ways, because instead of singing a polyphonic mass for the Dallas latin mass, I got to stay at the College of St Thomas More's chapel and help with singing there! I even got to walk to and from my apartment to the chapel (about a 20 min walk) with my good friend Andrew on the eve of Christmas in the snow. As he put it, that was a very nice and RARE blessing in Texas! And my friend Richard who is the director at the chapel, had planned very nice music, including a simpler polyphonic mass. I had happened to even be at one of their rehearsals for this music earlier in the week, since my roommate was the one who was supposed to sing and was late, so i filled in for her. But since her family lives a half hour away and she went home in the afternoon, she couldn't even make it back for mass! So instead, I sang, which made the polyphonic mass still possible, and with a devout priest who celebrates the novus ordo mass ad orientem.

It is still not as beautiful and captivating as the latin mass, but it was the best 2nd choice around here! And I still got to sing beautiful and worthy music. Truly, God works in strange ways :)

Well, a Merry Christmas to all who will read this. I have a flight home to Vermont tomorrow, which, I pray will not be delayed, since it is already supposed to get there late, at 11pm. So far, travel is looking okay. I might beat the storm before it reaches the far east coast. At least that is what it is showing on the weather channel. However, they could be wrong... since there was NOTHING in the forecast only TWO days ago about the Texas blizzard we just got today!

Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus ex Maria Virgine, gaudete!

On the Eve of the New Year...

2009-12-20T21:34:00.003-05:00

My life has seen many changes. I have had a roller coaster of a ride when it comes to romantic relationships, and I will now end the year single. I feel lost in terms of, well, everything. I wonder if I have even followed God's will in the past two years. I have no way of knowing if I have done "the right thing". It is hard to believe at times, like today, that I have purpose. Why am I in Texas? What was the purpose in that? I thought God had brought me together with a certain person and had firmly believed it was the person I was to marry, only to see that dashed to pieces before me. I made a wonderful new friend in the process, and was unsure if it was to be more, causing more confusion, and have finally decided I must not proceed further than friendship with him at present because I still need to heal and draw closer to Christ. To use a visual, it is as if I sit admist the scattered pieces of what WAS my life in the past year, and have no idea how to put them back together again into a whole. There is uncertainty with my employment for the coming year, but that is not what concerns me so much.

One thing that has always bothered me deeply from time to time is an overwhelming sense of not "fitting" anywhere. I can hang out with friends but then after feel like I was on the "outside" somehow, not really belonging. It leaves me feeling so sad and lonely. It was like that all through college as well. It is has also saddened me and left me feeling without purpose that I went to school for music and graduated, and since then, I have had decreasing opportunities to use the gift of my voice for the Church. I hardly sing anymore, and so it is also painful to listen to my senior recital CD from college and feel like I cannot sing as well as that anymore. That I am losing that gift little by little because I have no solid place to use it, and I do not have money for continual voice lessons. Even if I did, I would wonder what the purpose in taking them would be, if I have no place to really use my voice.

So this advent, I have turned more to Jesus, and do the thing that is hardest for me: I wait on him. I don't know what he wants from me. I don't know if there is something more I am supposed to be doing for him. I end up wishing things had turned out differently this year than they are right now. The way things have gone has left me feeling like I am floundering and just plain tired of not knowing what direction I am going in. I have forsaken my own desires to find the man I am supposed to spend my life with to hopefully witness the rebirth of a friendship between the two who mean alot to me and used to be good friends.

It creates a burden on my heart that is hard to explain, but seeing their friendship will mean more than any relationship. I think what makes the burden hard... is because I spent 3-4 years learning how to be content by myself, and with Christ. And then I understand my vocation to marriage through someone brought into my life, only to have it taken away, and yet still have to live in the place where I reminded of it every day. And yet I have to return to how it was before, to my time with just Christ and myself.

As I grow older, I do find myself understanding this world more and more as a vale of tears, and desire the coming of Christ, to wipe away all sadness, and live with him forever in joy and peace, for he is the only one who can fill my heart, comfort it, and wipe away my tears. It is a sadness, and yet also a joy, to envision resting in his arms and with our mother Mary, knowing that they understand the aches of my heart and the troubles of my soul.

Update from Texas

2009-10-18T23:23:00.002-04:00

Yes. I know it has been forever since I posted anything. So there is probably only one person still reading this blog, and it is for him that I am posting :)

Here in Fort Worth, I find that I miss having solemn liturgies. I have been rather spoiled the past 3 years having been at a latin mass parish in NJ singing polyphony for feast days and then a year in Chicago at St John Cantius. Now I am in Fort Worth where the only place I can sing choral music and keep my voice up is singing this sacred music in a concert setting with the Denton Bach Society. I had thought I would have better opportunities here, but that has not been the case. It is especially disheartening to not be able to involve myself with music for the latin mass in Fort Worth. I still go to the latin mass sunday evenings, but I won't get into the details about the music for it and the lack of opportunity to get involved. It just frustrates me. Also, the latin mass here is rather low key compared to what I am used to for a Latin high mass.

The only place I've gotten myself involved with for Catholic church music is a little mission parish called San Mateo. It has been a great place though, very small, and the priest is very supportive of doing chant and sings the whole 10am mass himself, in English! It's really the most "solemn" novus ordo in the diocese besides at the college of St. Thomas More.

And since I can't make money doing music down here, I've gotten a job with the Princeton Review, which I enjoy. I just still am not full time, so i do not have salary or benefits yet. I am hoping I will by November. We shall see.

As usual, God is doing all kinds of interesting things regarding my vocational journey. I moved here because of a particular person, who I am no longer with. Things fell out between us, which was rather a shock. I am still healing. At the same time, God had me meet another young man... the whole situation has just been... I don't even know what to say. We all just keep praying and trying to follow God's will.

I also just keep praying for my siblings, especially my sister. I will be going home at Thanksgiving for a visit (Yay!), which I thought was important so I could see my sister and her Fiance in case she DOES fly to Chile in December with him to get married. I also wanted to see my little niece so she doesn't forget who her aunt is. I can't wait to see her! She is absolutely adorable and turns 2 on Nov. 5th.

That's about all I have for now. I need to get to bed for work tomorrow. I am thinking also about closing this blog down. Unless I get a response from people not to, I probably will.

Moving to Texas

2009-06-17T17:38:00.002-04:00

I am finally headed off for Texas tomorrow. The whole process of moving is rather stressful, to tell you the truth. The trip had been delayed a day. I was supposed to leave yesterday. But rather than give a lot of details why, just pray for better physical health of my traveling companion, who is the main reason for my moving to Texas. If you happen to read this, also pray for our safe travel. It will be a two day trip, so we will be on the road both tomorrow and Friday.
I don't know what to expect really, once I move there. I just need to strive to have hope that things will be good, that God wants me to have happiness and He is good and merciful.
You may wish to add a prayer for my own mental health, which has not been the best since my move to Chicago. I plan to be working on taking care of that once I move to Texas. That, and figuring out what in the world I am supposed to be doing with my life right now, regarding work.

The Near Demise of my Own Blog

2009-05-28T00:41:00.002-04:00

I will say that my own blog has come closer to death than the Owl's blog. I am considering putting an end to it myself. It is at the very bottom of my priority list. However, since i am on here now, I may as well say that I will officially be leaving the liberal atmosphere of Chicago and moving to the sunny land of Texas on June 17th. It is a move that is much anticipated on my part! I am sure I will look back over time, on this year spent in Chicago and come to realize many things that the good Lord was trying to teach me, however at this point in time, i am not sure how well He succeeded. I just sang tonight for a Pontifical High mass at St John Cantius to kick off a triduum of masses in honor of the year of St Paul. Auxilary Bishop Perry of Chicago was the celebrant. I sang as a quartet with another girl and two of the brothers. We sang two nice motets and chant mass VIII with organ accompaniment. I must say, it felt rather strange to be having such a high mass in the middle of the week with no special feast day! This mass was also recorded, because I believe they plan to put it on their priest training site at some point in the near future, which is Sancta Missa. So I shall have a musical moment of fame more than once! Not only will my voice likely be on their website in some fashion, but also on EWTN on July 1st! Clips of all the Cantius choirs were recorded in the past couple months, and will be shown as part of a feature program on St. John Cantius on July 1st. It is sure to be a highlight of the program, since one of the EWTN priests who came during lent (?) to be trained in the EF was so impressed with the parish's choral program. So be sure to check out EWTN on July 1st!
And also before I leave, I shall be conducting the women's chant schola one last time. we shall be singing the Corpus Christi chants on June 14th for the 12:30pm mass. I shall miss it.
But many musical possibilities await me in Texas! I look forward to being able to do more directing, possibly with choral music. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend the Sacred Music Colloquium this year. Funny how I moved to the city where it is now held, but will not be going. At least I shall be moving away before the conference, that way I shall not miss it so much.
My move to Texas has more to do with my vocation than with music :) So a prayer for Richard and I if you happen to read this. God willing, we will marry in two years. But first things first: I shall move, and then we shall see how things progress. There are many activities I hope to be involved in in Fort Worth TX! Say a prayer for safe travel too, if you will. Richard will be driving down to TX with me on June 17th and 18th.

My Anticipation for Easter! ... among other things

2009-03-08T01:56:00.003-05:00

Well, I recently took a trip to Texas to visit the man who is courting me, and that was a wonderful time. It has helped to put me in a better frame of mind for Lent and just start afresh with certain things in my life. It was a respite that was desperately needed!
Also, from the looks of things, that is where I may end up living starting this summer... we shall see. It is a strong possibility, and one that I am peace with and would look forward to :)

But the really exciting thing is I just have worked out going back to Philadelphia for Holy Week! And Richard shall fly from Texas to join me there! I have been wanting to go back to where I went to school, and back to Mater Ecclesiae, to visit since I left, and going back for Holy week to sing has been in the back of my mind for months. I can't believe I will actually get to do it! and I get to have Richard there with me. God is truly good. It will be wonderful to still get to sing for all the Holy week liturgies, which i would not get to do if i stayed in Chicago. That would be hard to take, since I have sang for all Holy week liturgies for as long as I can remember. I started singing in church when i was six, and so i probably starting singing with the larger choir for holy week by the time I was in 5th or 6th grade. the whole trip is possible due to the fact that Mater Ecclesiae does Polyphony all that week and so pays its singers for every mass. It is the most wonderful place to be during Holy week that I have ever experienced. The beauty of Holy Week in the Extraordinary form is beyond words.
It will also be a wonderful time to visit friends I haven't seen since I graduated, and have Richard meet them and see my Alma Mater, and maybe even go swing dancing so he can meet those people, even though on principle it will be a little odd to go dancing during Holy Week. I may make an exception this year, for the sake of having him meet the people I know.
I can't wait for this! well, i can actually, because I have to, but it gives me something to look forward to with much joy. Now, back to focusing on Lent, and preparing myself for Easter...

LOONG overdue Update!

2009-02-01T18:15:00.002-05:00

I know i haven't posted in a while. but it isn't exactly on the top of my priority list, and I know hardly anyone reads it. But for the heck of it, I thought I would update it. As far as liturgical music things go, the women's chant schola I started at St. John's is going well. Tomorrow, I will begin my first attempt at really teach chant theory to others. I am using the "Square Notes Workbook in Gregorian Chant" as my guide. I am eager to give this a try, although it will be a little bit of a crash course, since we will essentially work throught the whole book in just one month (and just 4 meetings). Then the next time we will sing chants for mass will be the Feast of the Annunciation.
Also, starting this week and going through lent, I have been asked to come to Wednesday night masses and help with singing polyphony, just one voice to a part. That is how I like it best, it really makes you accountable for knowing your own part well. I am very glad I will have an outlet to start singing polyphony again! I will really be glad someday to start conducting it more myself, teaching others.

Un-musical news:

For anyone reading this, although I have discerned my vocation now, other things are very much in the air, and I am allowing them to distress me by wanting answers now to things that God does not plan to give me answers to yet. So i need to be more at peace with just where I am at the present moment. The biggest thing is whether I will stay in Chicago after one full year here come July. At the moment, the option is very much open to me to move back to Philadelphia, the area where I went to school. And the possibility is very appealing to me. But I need to just give it time and really listen for what God wants me to do. It is hard, because overall, my time in Chicago so far has been emotionally and spiritually difficult for me. It means I have grown ALOT, I see that I have grown in virtue and maturity and in so many other ways... but I do not if I should remain in such situations for more than a year. The desire to be nearer to my family again, and live with Catholic women i can really pray with, and be in a place that feels more like a home, is very strong. And I need a job that is better suited to my character and talents. I know God placed me where I am present to teach me virtue, but I cannot see myself doing it for more than a year.
But that is just it, who knows! God's plans may be very different from my own, he may WANT me to stay here, and to keep dealing with what I deal with. I don't know. So I just keep praying for patience and to know his answers to my questions and prayers when the time is right. Keep striving to place it all in Our Mother's hands. There is not much else I can do yet. All these decisions will also be partially tied up in the decisions of the young man I think I am called to marry. So that adds a whole other layer of complexity to the situation.

And to end, I ask that the reader say a prayer for me for perseverance, charity, and humility.
I will continue to ask the Lord to make me a saint, no matter how much it hurts at times.

A Vocation to Marriage

2008-12-07T19:38:00.003-05:00

That's right. I have discerned that my vocation is marriage. I am at peace with the decision and that God has called me to this vocation, but it will take time getting used to it. This knowledge is confirmed by my spiritual director as well. We had a good laugh at the end of my last meeting with him on Friday, because he told me it didn't surprise me that I came to this conclusion, because he knew from day 1 when I met with him that I was called to marriage! And he didn't tell me! Haha, well, I guess it is one of those things you really do need to discern for yourself, with the guidance of another. The turning point came at the end of the first week of November actually. There is a joy and relief in knowing with conviction what my vocation is, and yet a touch of sadness... Because there are things about religious life that I am attracted to, and God had me look into religious life for 3-4 years, only to find that it is not my calling. Yet i know there are probably many reasons for that: 1) to prepare me spiritually, in virtue, for a right relationship with another person that will be centered in Christ, 2) to deepen my own spiritual life so that I will yearn more for the things of heaven, even when in marriage. to know that marriage is to lead me to sanctity and union with God, 3) i thought at times that i really would become a nun eventually, but struggled with realizing how long it would be before i could enter due to school loans, and no community ever seemed to be the right one, but now the waiting i can view differently: God had me waiting because i was trying to go down the wrong path.

The other wonderful thing is that God has used a young man to make me realize I am called to marriage. I don't know if I will ever marry this man, but my constant prayer is that if it be pleasing to our Lord, to let him be the one. And now I am waiting for a different reason. I do not think my next long waiting, if this man is the one I am to marry, is because i am on the wrong path, but because God still has much work to do in us to prepare us for such a vocation. So I strive to cultivate and patient and joyful waiting, especially during this season of advent. Waiting not only for the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ a second time, but having advent help me to cultivate a joyful hope in the things God has planned for the rest of my life.

Whoever reads this, please say a prayer for me and this young man, for Our Lady to guard us and strengthen our virtue, so that from the very start our relationship, no matter where it leads, will be one that is holy, pure, and guides us closer to the hearts of Jesus and Mary.

It's been a long time...

2008-11-22T01:25:00.002-05:00

But it is because I am quite busy now. I have some new and better pictures of my parish though now, as you can see. this picture was taken from the lower choir loft at the closing mass of forty hour's devotion.
I am in two of the choirs as well, as helping out the youth choir quite often for the time being, I have started taking some voice lessons again, and the women's choir has officially been formed. Our first time singing all the propers for a mass will be on the feast of the Immaculate Conception :) It is exciting. I really enjoy conducting chant, and well, conducting in general.
What i really want to share are some recordings from St. John's, but I am still working on figuring out how to get them on here. I have a recording of the communion chant for All Saint's Day by the women's schola, and i have a BEAUTIFUL recording of the solemn vespers in the extraordinary form that we sang tonight for the Marian feast day. It turned out really well for just using my little mp3 player. It is late, so this is all i will say for now, and i will try to get the recordings on here soon.

Still Alive

2008-10-09T23:43:00.002-04:00

Wow, it has been a month since I have posted. I admit, blogging is not anywhere near the top of my list of to do's. I am glad that my life is now busier. I have been a bit busy with vocation discernment, and i work all day monday through friday now, and I also waitress two nights a week. I have choir practice Monday nights, and adoration and lectio divina thursday nights. And soon I hope to be having even more to do.
Musically, I am in the initial stages of forming a women's chant schola at my parish, with the approval of the priest in charge of music there. I wrestled for a while about whether to ask to do it, but he thought it was a good idea, and we are starting it slow by building it in the context of the choral women's choir. However, the experience so far has shown this will not work very well. There is just not the time without adding separate rehearsals. So I am praying that I may get a core group committed to break off and have its own rehearsals starting in November, with the approval of the priest of course. I really enjoy studying the chants and working on the chironomy, and I really do love conducting! There is something so satisfying about it for me.
I have schedule my first voice lesson with a teacher in the city as well, but that will only happen about once a month because of the cost. My teacher however, is a choir member of the professional choir at my parish, so she can hopefully prepare me to audition for that same choir eventually. That would help so much!
Spiritually, I am being challenged so much right now. There often does not seem like much joy in my life right now, but I am being purified. It is all part of God's plan. And you know, I have told him that I will to be a saint. So i guess you get what you ask for... that may be the case with my vocation too... but I will not know the definitive answer to THAT for a while I think. The advice and practical applications of my spiritual direction though are helping me very much in my discernment. Words really cannot describe the amazing but difficult path God is leading me on, with the guidance of our Holy Mother Mary. My consecration to her has profoundly changed my life, how I understand vocations... everything.
Well, i think those are enough thoughts for now. I must rest, and rise for a new day tomorrow. May Our Lady guide all Catholics closer to the foot of the Cross to be purified by the sacrifice of Christ.

Making ends meet, and other things

2008-09-10T18:00:00.002-04:00

Well, I have a job with a catholic organization, but still I think I will have to work a couple nights a week at a restaurant or something. Not what I would have liked to do, after working all day somewhere else, but otherwise I don't see how I could save money for a plane ticket home in December. Or start paying college loans off at a reasonable pace. (sigh) well, i chose to major in music I guess. As far as music goes, I am not really satisfied with what I have done with that either. I have the strong desire to direct something, even if it's just starting a schola at my parish. I would love the opportunity to try, and gain the experience. At least I am singing in good choirs, so my vocal abilities don't completely regress, since I can't afford voice lessons at the moment. So I just hope musically, there is more I can do, in time.
An exciting thing is that my sister is in Chile again right now! She could use prayers for her own discernment. I am proud that she has taken a leap of faith, which is hard for her to do. May God be with her and the young man she went down there to see. Her and I both seemed to have had God turn our worlds upside down, starting in the same week! It was pretty crazy... but it helps us relate to each other better right now. We both are wishing we knew what the future held, and yet, to know would diminish half the excitement of the hidden will of God. One step at a time...

"Rapid fire" discernment?

2008-08-31T00:25:00.003-04:00

Interesting phrase my new spiritual director used to describe how God has been working in my life lately. But it is appropriate. Since January, I had taken a "break", in a sense from actively discerning religious life, and just to sort through everything from my retreat, and I was tired of searching. I didn't know in what direction I was to take the next step. So I waited, and focused on finishing school. and then after college, I waited, and searched for work, and prayed, trying to figure out what was next in my life, now that I had graduated. Where did God want me? was I to stay in VT? Now what about my vocation? And then, since the end of June, everything has happened at such a rapid speed! So much has happened in my life in a span of three months, that I think I'm still trying to digest it all, and as my spiritual director thinks, maybe the rapid developments are not done yet. Why God has chosen to do so much in my life so quickly NOW, I don't know. Hindsight is always better in the spiritual life. There is a good possibility that God is leading me to know with surety my vocation sooner than a year from now. But even if that happens, I know that I will pray for continual indications and signs that I have chosen the right vocation, and take the time to prepare myself for it. I want to know my vocation, and yet, there is still a little nagging fear at times. Spiritual direction was such a relief today. It is very necessary, because I can't trust myself without the counsel, and I shouldn't. I put full trust in Our Lady, that she will not let me stray from the will of God, if I am truly her slave.

The Feast of the Assumption

2008-08-15T13:37:00.002-04:00

Today, I will be blessed to attend a solemn vespers, profession of vows, and solemn high mass at the parish of St. John Cantius. The feast has layered meaning for them, as their brothers make professions of varying degrees, and it is also the 10th anniversary of the founding of the Canons Regular of St. John Cantius. It is also Fr. Phillips' 20th anniversary of being at this parish! I do not get to sing in the solemn high mass for this, but I will still very much enjoy internally participating in the music from the pews. I wanted to share the rundown of the music that will be done tonight. I hope to talk to the director after mass, who said he would be interested in auditioning me for the St. Cecilia choir, which is the one that will be singing tonight. There are even recordings of them for sale on the cantius website.
Music:
7:30 pm Latin Mass (Extraordinary Form)
Missa Vidi Speciosam - Tomás Luis de Victoria (1548 – 1611)
Veniens de Libono - Francesco Bianciardi (1572 – 1607)
Assumpta est Maria - Peter Phillips (c. 1560 – 1628)
Te DeumGregorian Chant - St. Cecilia Choir

Benedictus, Op. 59, No. 9 - Max Reger (1873 – 1916)
Prelude on the Introit for the Solemnity of the Assumption - Simone Plé-Caussade (1897 – 1985)
Final: Allegro assai vivace (Organ Sonata in F Minor, Op. 65, No. 1) - Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy (1809 – 1847) Organ Prelude, Processional & Postlude

SPEECHLESS

2008-08-07T20:08:00.002-04:00

This is probably one of the most amazing things I have ever come across. I have never seen or heard such a thing in all my life:

http://web.mac.com/gregorypeebles/Site/Welcome.html

There really is nothing that could accurately describe my reaction.

My future as a church musician?

2008-08-07T19:13:00.002-04:00

I'm at one of those crossroads in life. maybe there is a better term for such a thing. It is more like one of those times when you aren't sure which direction is up or down or where the light is to guide you, yet you know it is still there. Christ is always there guiding, maybe I am just really starting to learn to take one day at a time, so it seems like I'm in a sort of darkness.
I feel like my musical development is at a standstill. I really haven't done much of anything with music since I graduate from college in May, and especially since the music colloquium in June. I don't even realize sometimes how much I miss singing and how much joy it can give me until I start singing with a group again. The focus right now just seems to be on other things. I am so preoccupied with finding a job, since a job as a church music right now is an impossibility and maybe will never become a reality, at least not as a full time job. I don't even think I would want it as a full time job. I don't know really what my role in church music is supposed to be at this moment. I'm too busy thinking about where I am going to work so I can pay bills and start paying off college loans, and now vocation discernment has been brought to the forefront again and will be at least for the next year. I really am ready to know my vocation now, I need a definite direction to work towards. but again, back to music. I'm getting involved in an already established parish music program in Chicago, by far the best in the city, but I don't know if there's anything else I should do. Maybe it is just too soon to tell yet, since I just moved here two weeks ago. It will be wonderful to sing polyphony again, but one of my desires in church music is for once to actually get to sing chant for mass on a fairly regular basis. Why is it everywhere I end up, women don't do any of the chanting? What is the point of the CMAA teaching women to chant if men only do it in some of the best church music programs? I can find it aggravating. I don't want to take chanting away from men at all, but why can't we have something like what we heard at the colloquium in such a well established music program. Surely there are women in the parish who really would love to chant. And why not? Also, as a church musician who may direct music someday, how am I ever supposed to direct a group to sing chant, be it men or women, if I have never gotten much of a chance to sing it with a group myself? I have the desire of possibly being the one to start such a women's schola, but question my ability to do so.
I just wonder i guess: am I skilled enough, really, to lead a music program in any way? And yet i know the only way to get that skill is to dive into it. You have to get your feet wet and learn from your mistakes as you go. But I guess it just seems like now is not the time. I thought maybe it was before June, but now the focus has shifted. Vocation discernment is more important, because that concerns what God is calling me to BE.

The Joy of Mater Ecclesiae

2008-08-07T16:51:00.003-04:00

Although I am now at a parish with beautiful and amazing liturgy, I have found that there are still things I have experienced in the Latin Mass that I miss very much and have not experienced elsewhere. That is why I still miss Mater Ecclesiae at times. I miss the bold congregational singing of the chant mass settings, especially the creed. Even when we would sing a polyphonic mass setting, the creed was always for the people to chant. And they would raise the roof! Especially at "et unam, sanctam, catholicam, et apostolicam ecclesiam". that always was a powerful and beautiful moment. I miss Karl's bold organ music after the gospel. I miss the clear chanting of the texts by Fr. Pasley. Never have I heard better priest chanting anywhere. Not because there are not priests out there with better quality of voice (but even those are few), but because Father combines beauty with clarity and appropriate speed. You can truly understand his Latin and he often sounds like he could be as fluent speaking in Latin as he is in English because the sentence flow is so often spot on! Kudos to Fr. Pasley. I also think it is important if at all possible for the congregation to have books of music. Even if they can't read notation (supposedly), you would be surprised how many start to understand chant notation because it is simple enough to start picking up on it. It helps them to really learn the mass settings. Those music books should also have hymns I think. Although hymns are not to be the primary music, there is nothing more joyful to me than hearing a congregation raise the roof with a devotional hymn at the end of Mass. I would feel a deep sense of loss if we did not have such hymns as "The Strife is O'er", "This Joyful Eastertide", "On Jordan's bank", "Let all Mortal Flesh Keep Silence", and so many more. They give a cultural voice to our faith when appropriate. I have never been a member of a more joyful, faith-filled congregation than that of Mater Ecclesiae Catholic Church. There is such an earnestness about the faith there, and a love of participation in the mass, both internally and externally. I miss hearing a congregation really sing, and I mean REALLY SING. It has provided some of the most beautiful and moving moments in my worship of God in the Mass.
God Bless Mater Ecclesiae and their parish priest. May he grant them continued spiritual growth and many years more to worship God together. May their love for the faith reach much farther in the lives of others than they may ever know.

In Chicago!

2008-07-29T11:33:00.002-04:00

My access to internet is somewhat limited and things were crazy this weekend, but I can say I am now living in Chicago! I arrived last Friday and I am now settled in. I have still been applying for jobs and had an interview yesterday that went well, but I am still looking for other possibilities. It can be kind of a downer to not be working because there is not much to do and you don't feel very useful. My roommate will be leaving for Medjugorie tomorrow as well, so I will be alone in our apartment for 10 days, and I just moved here! I have a choir audition today at St. John Cantius and getting involved there soon will help. Say a prayer that I find a job, and also, for my vocation. That is a priority this year. I really sense that I am supposed to know with certainty by the end of the year. In a sense I BEG God to know. but, i will also accept whatever his will is. Holy Mary, guide me in all things...

The BIG MOVE

2008-07-17T21:19:00.002-04:00

Well, it is confirmed. I'm actually doing it! I am moving to Chicago a week from today! I will leave July 24th. I have an apartment with another Catholic woman ready for us, and my mom and my sister are actually going to drive down with me to help bring all my stuff! what a weekend that will be! I could use prayers for a job though, since I am still working on that. God will provide though, even when I struggle with trusting him at times. I almost wasn't sure moving to Chicago was going to work out. Things were starting to become last minute! I only found out today that we have an apartment now. So i have one week to pack! (and Fr Ben thought he had it bad.) I will be living on the edge of the city in the Northwest area known as Edison Park. This is such a big thing for me, it is kind of bewildering. I am moving halfway across the country! Who would have thought. God does crazy things in our lives when we let him... I know getting a job is important, but it is just as important to me when I get down there to find a spiritual director! I desperately am in need of some guidance right now in discerning my vocation. I try not to be anxious by placing myself in the hands of Our Lady. I can't wait to try to get involved in the music at St. John Cantius! I will be so excited to sing polyphony and chant again. I don't know if I will be able to take voice lessons or organ lessons again soon. I doubt it. I want to eventually, but I will have to wait on that.
Well, lots to get ready in a week...

Moving to Chicago!

2008-07-09T09:58:00.002-04:00

Well, despite details still being worked out, I should be moving to Chicago soon! It is exciting, and I truly trust the Lord will provide the way for me to get there. I have been more sure of this being God's will than most things in my life, so I just keep trying to leave it all in His hands and not doubt. My housing situation is a little unsettled at the moment, but I will be talking to a woman tonight about it, and it's a very good possibility. Through our Lady , God will provide for what I need. I could still use some prayers for patience in the area of vocation discernment. That is part of the reason for going to Chicago - vocation discernment - so it is hard not to get anxious when I sense I will soon know for sure what my vocation is. I hope in Chicago to be involved in music at St. John Cantius as well. We'll see though, God may have a different plan for my gift of music.

Say a prayer for me

2008-06-25T10:54:00.002-04:00

I could really use prayers for discernment of God's will right now, and that whatever he wills, he will make possible. Please especially offer the prayers through the hands of Our Lady. Thanks.

God's Providence?

2008-06-22T21:46:00.002-04:00

I'm stuck in Chicago till Tuesday. Which I actually found kind of humorous and not at all stressful because I really don't have anything that pressing to go home to. I can't help but feel that this is God's providence, so that maybe I can talk to the Sullivan's tomorrow night in person about the apartment situation and I will look online tomorrow for jobs in Chicago. I literally am taking it one day at a time at this point, so that is good. Whoever knows me that reads this, say a prayer for me concerning vocation discernment and this idea of moving to Chicago. I could use it!

Sacred Music Colloquium 2008

2008-06-21T00:51:00.002-04:00

W ell, I am currently still in the suburbs of Chicago near Loyola University, with just 1 1/2 days left of the colloquium! It will be hard to leave on Sunday. It is musical heaven for a Catholic Church musician and the facilities were so much better this year. I wish I never miss a colloquium for many years. However, I have no idea what is in store for me even as I head back home. While I have been here, I have had some very unexpected things happen concerning vocation discernment, that have thrown me for a loop. God seems to enjoy doing that to me. I'm starting to not mind it too much. I'm learning to trust more and not stress about not knowing the answers to things at the moment, and trying to live day by day. And during everything that has happened this week, it doesn't really cause any stress or terrible confusion. If God wills something in the future, it will happen.
Also, over this past week, I seem to have a growing sense that I won't stay in Vermont. For both vocational and practical reasons as a musician. I am not 100% positive though. It depends if God miraculously helps me to get a good job within the next two weeks or not. I just don't want to sit around in VT waiting. As much as a I love my family here, and would like to help the Catholic church in Vermont through my gift of music, it just may not be possible.
Well, it is late, and I have much singing to do tomorrow. They really pack our days full. I will enjoy the last full day of the colloquium, I'm sure, even though someone I've come to care about won't be there.

At Home

2008-05-25T14:54:00.002-04:00

I have been able to settle back in at home recently only to feel like my life is in another state of upheaval. The parish priest here at home, who is absolutely wonderful and a lover of tradition, is being moved again. This has left me deeply saddened and even more confused about where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. I truly could use many prayers right now. I don't know what our new priest will be like, but there are hardly any in VT that are all that fond of tradition. I don't have a job yet, and I don't have a clue what this new priest will be like, so I have no idea if I am supposed to stick around to do music. I already at times miss the latin mass very much, I don't know how much that is supposed to be a part of my life. I feel like a fish out of water at times at mass here, and I am afraid that if I stay, I'll lose much of what I learned. and yet something tugs at me about trying to stay here. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do and that is causing me as much distress as losing our beloved priest. Please pray for me. I really could use spiritual direction right now, but there is no priest to get it from at the moment. I know when it is all said and done, I'll look back and feel like I've learned much at this point in time in my life, but I still don't do well with having no clue what to do with my life, since for many years I tried to plan it out for myself. I'm hurting and I'm stressed, and much of it most likely is to teach me to trust more in God, but it doesn't mean I have to like it or that it shouldn't hurt.

GRADUATION DAY!

2008-05-10T08:14:00.002-04:00

It's the big day today, I'll be heading out to graduate in less than two hours! I am excited to graduate and feel like I'm ready. It's definitely time for something new. Even though I'm not sure where that new path is, I'm doing my best to trust that the Lord will make that clear when it is time. I pray that he will close the doors that do not lead to His will and open the ones that do.
I will certainly miss people and activities down here, but maybe I'll be back to the Philly area someday. It has become like home here. The other thing is, it is amazing how you accumulate in your room for just one year! My family and I are going to have a heck of a time getting it all home! However, there's really not much I can get rid of. the bulk of my stuff is clothes, music that I've gathered (esp. in this last year) and books.
I'll be tired after this morning, I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep all week, so I'm hoping I'll get a chance to take a short nap once we get to the hotel later this afternoon. Then I'll be a nervous wreck tomorrow, since I am conducting a whole polyphonic mass for the first time! yikes! I'm excited about it though. That is something I will deeply miss down here: my parish, Mater Ecclesiae... but it is time to move on.
I thank God for all the wonderful blessings he has put in my life, he gives me so much more than I deserve.

Graduation

2008-05-04T23:31:00.003-04:00

I could use a few prayers. Things are emotional and confusing this week! I graduate from college, and head home, but not having luck with finding decent work... so I am having doubts about where I am supposed to be... trying to make sure I listen to God's will for me and not plan out my life myself... So many thoughts, ideas, and emotions going on! I could use a prayer from anyone reading, to the Holy Spirit for discernment during this Novena time before Pentecost.

Luck be a Lady

2008-04-30T17:02:00.001-04:00

I finally get to share a video of me swing dancing! This was from Saturday night, April 26, 2008. I am so excited to have a video of Alex and I swing dancing! We are the two that the camera is mostly focused on (yellow shirt and striped dress). I am really going to miss swing dancing in the Philly area...

Faure's Requiem

2008-04-25T23:40:00.003-04:00

Well, I got to hear Faure's Requiem mass for the first time tonight. And guess where I heard it? The spring music festival at my Protestant University. Go figure. It definitely is one of the most beautiful settings. I have heard of Catholic Churches last year on All Soul's day who sang this setting for the mass. I am not sure though how they would do that since, the Sanctus is missing the last half of the text, and the Agnus Dei is followed immediately by the communion chant. I'll have to ask some other musicians how they handle that. The only thing that would have made it more complete tonight was if the men in the university choir sang the Dies Irae " :-)
I would like to point out that doing the actual chants of the requiem mass, or a choral setting of them on All Soul's Day, is a wonderful way to introduce people to a more solemn funeral mass. I do not doubt that most people would be deeply moved by its beauty and start to ask why such music is not done regularly for funeral masses. The chants for a requiem mass are certainly known for being some of the most beautiful in the Gregorian repertoire. Just pointing out that this is something I hope as a musician, to do someday. Feasts like All Souls, Corpus Christi, Candlemas, etc. are wonderful opportunities to reestablish liturgical and musical traditions and expose the faithful to their beauty in a non-coercive way.

As a side note, I do have other interests besides liturgy and its music ;-)
I am so excited for tomorrow night! I will be going to the grand reopening of the Sunnybrook Ballroom in Pottstown PA for an awesome night of swing dancing and socializing. I plan to take pictures and maybe I will post some here.

The Pope's Visit

2008-04-18T15:46:00.002-04:00

I know there are already so many postings all over the internet about the Pope's visit to the U.S., but I just wanted to share my own thoughts.
It truly is a grace to have him here in our country, no matter how the liturgies turn out or what anyone else does, etc. I am not saying that such things do not matter, but there is still much joy in just having the Holy Father here with us. I have been praying for him. May his presence as the voice of Christ on Earth instill greater hope in Christians and draw all people to Christ.
On specifics, I was able to watch the last half of the papal mass at Nationals Park, and I truly felt sorry that the Holy Father had to endure the performance style, self-focused, overly-multicultural display of music that happened. He did not look very pleased or comfortable at times. However, EWTN made it quite amusing with its witty and forthright comments about the music being completely unsuitable considering all the Holy Father has written about concerning liturgy and music. Rather than doing great harm, I firmly hope that the mass live on EWTN with such comments will be a turning point in liturgy for the church. I think it will end up being helpful to the new liturgical movement in the long run, and I am glad the Holy Father got to see the state of much of the liturgical life of the church up close and personal! I pray that it prompts him to shepherd with even greater clarity and firmness against liturgical abuse.
From what I have heard, I am glad I didn't hear the responsorial psalm. I was a little surpised at the lack of modest dress of a couple of the women bringing gifts up to the Holy Father for the offertory as well. If there's a dress code even at St. Peter's in Rome, why shouldn't one be enforced at papal masses for those who will visibly be part of the ceremonies? The women's dresses were visibily well above knee length, which I just find inappropriate, ESPECIALLY on such an occasion as a papal liturgy! I am not blaming these women, they probably don't even consider it immodest in our culture, but I would have thought those in charge of the ceremonies would make sure all involved understand appropriate dress and posture. Which brings me to my next point: I know they were all carrying gifts to the Holy Father, but is it not customary to genuflect/kneel before the Holy Father and kiss his ring, as the tenor did after singing Panis Angelicus? This might not be the case during the offertory, I'm not sure. I would gladly appreciate it if someone knows the custom concerning this. It just seemed odd to me they wouldn't at least kiss his ring. Also, if women having a private audience with the Pope are still required to veil their heads (which from what I've heard, they are), then why wouldn't they veil their heads if they are involved in the ceremonies of a Papal mass? Seems inconsistent to me.
Besides the music, the altar setup was nice, and the sanctuary area did not turn out to be as awful as I thought it would be from a computer image I had seen of the plans before he came. The rest of the liturgy seemed quite nice (the last half anyway), except for maybe all the people recieving communion in the hand from the Pope himself, of all people!

I also listened to the address to the UN today, which was good. As always, words of wisdom from our Holy Father. It was received very well by the UN, with a standing ovation. I look forward to watching the mass with clergy and the meeting with youth tomorrow, as well as the Mass at Yankee Stadium on Sunday. These liturgical functions promise to be more in continuity with directives from Rome. I'm glad that these celebrations will end the Holy Father's visit.

I also think I am rather glad that I am watching it on EWTN rather than being there myself. I would never get to see him so close up in person attending mass in a stadium as I can on EWTN. I like being able to get the "better view" of everything going on. Maybe I will still get the chance to see Pope Benedict XVI up close before he dies. It would be such an honor! Ad Multos Annos, Papa Benedict!

Innocent plug

2008-04-10T20:09:00.003-04:00

St. John the Baptist Catholic Church

2008-04-06T22:56:00.003-04:00

Here is the church my previous post was about, situated in Manayunk, PA a suburb of Philadelphia. I wish I had been able to take more pictures, but the priest turned all the lights out in the church before I could. If I get the chance, I'll go back there sometime when it's sunny to get more pictures before the semester is over.

I keep asking: WHY?!

2008-04-03T12:44:00.003-04:00

There is a church in the Philly suburbs that I could see from the highway every time I went by with a huge steeple, and made me curious to go down into the town and check it out. I thought, it has to be a Catholic Church, since I could also see other church buildings next to, so it must be a school and rectory and convent. Sure enough I was right, but the church was locked that Sunday afternoon, so I found out on the internet that the parish has a choir and wed. night rehearsals, so i went to observe the choir as part of an assignment for one of my classes.
The beauty of this church almost floored me! The only church in Philadelphia that I have seen that is more beautiful is the Cathedral, but this one comes pretty close! And it's huge! It has tertiarys(?), I think that is what their called. Basically 3rd level balcony seating. the choir loft is the second level. And a huge organ with four manuals! (When I go again and take pictures, I'll post them here).
I write about this though because the more I learned about this parish, the more sad the story becomes. Here's the basics: The church has been there 175 years. was rebuilt right before 1900. Was THE Catholic Church in the area. Had an elementary school, a High school for girls and a High school for boys. There's an old cemetary as well. It had a thriving convent (to teach all the kids, as usual), a three story rectory for 12 priests! And they even had a house right across the street from the church for the music director! Then Vatican II came. They were the last parish in the archdiocese to dismantle their boy's choir, the last parish to do away with the Latin Mass, and the last parish to pull it's high altar away from the wall. Thank God they never destroyed the decoration on the inside though! The organ they have is their second one. The first one was probably smaller. The one they have now though was almost destroyed. In the 70's the poor ignorant people allowed a Catholic organist to "fix" the organ. Instead, he purposefully destroyed it, and then left! Even more appalling is the fact that this man is still an organist at a church in the diocese! One of the balconies is full of old organ pipes, many of which are too damaged from the doings of this man to ever be used again! It was enough to literally turn my stomach. Present state of the parish life: There are two priests left, church can no longer afford (or unwilling to pay) a full time music director, the convent closed two years ago, and all the schools closed last year.
This story and several others like it that I have heard continues to make me ask the question: WHY??!?!? Why would God allow such a thing to happen to his people? When will the destruction be over? I am afraid to know what the state of this parish will be 20 years from now, if a mediocre Catholicism and mediocre liturgy continues to be taught and promoted. Especially in places like this! From what I hear, many of the parishioners still love tradition, and such a parish as this I do not doubt would have a strong following for a Latin mass either in the EF or the OF of the mass. It wrenches my heart to see the destruction that implementations of Vatican II have caused! I know the council documents were interpreted wrongly, but that isn't even so much my point. Places like this make me ask: why did they even think a renewal was needed on the scale that they proposed?? I'm inclined to want to agree with more traditionalist folk that the council was basically high jacked by liberal bishops in Europe, and the documents purposely written in a vague style to allow all this to happen! I could understand the desire to encourage priests to continually catechize the laity on the meaning of the mass and helping them to renew their involvement in it, especially interior participation, but so many external changes were unnecessary! Who will be responsible for all the souls lost in this time, who felt like their faith abandoned them, rather than the other way around? We have ended up with a slow death of the church, rather than a renewal! and I can't help but feel that to some degree that was the whole goal by those in charge of liturgy and doctrine.
Seeing the potent reality of such destruction in this church in Philadelphia, literally made me weep as I drove home. I want to be angry at God for allowing such a spiritual death among his people to happen, but I can't seem to be. It just makes me weep for the church and say some of the most honest prayers I have ever prayed in my life, for the renewal of the church. Instead of anger, the Lord fills me with a desire to aid/serve the church, knowing that liturgy, and so also music, renewal is so crucial to the life of the faithful. It was once the heart of their whole lives and from it grew a culture of faith that spread into the world and affected many other things during their week. They didn't just come together on Sunday for mass, but their strong belief that the mass gave witness to fueled the building of a culture of faith that gave witness to the rest of secular society.
I know I will suffer much in the normal parish setting, struggling to help revive the parish liturgy and life, but I can't ignore the call in my heart to involve myself in it. May God give me strength and never let my hope be extinguished.

Been awhile

2008-04-03T10:09:00.001-04:00

I know it's been quite a long time since I last posted, but that probably doesn't matter too much, I know hardly anyone ever looks at this blog. But I plan to put up a lengthier post within the next couple days.

A little musical humor

2008-03-18T23:42:00.002-04:00

Leave it to church musicians to come up with something like this.
Hope you enjoy it!
I wish I could have you hear what was done at the CMAA's music colloquium last year, it was just as good as this, if not better. Using fauxbourdon and gregorian chant, a psalm was sung with a touch of humor like this: verse (chant): You have called me and you know me, you know when I sit and when I stand, You understand my thoughts from afar; Refrain (fauxbourdon): "...except for the English translation of the Roman Missal. Copyright 1974, International Commission on the English Language, all rights reserved."

Maybe you have to hear it to get it, but I think someone out there will find this hilarious.

Growing as a musician and growing in holiness

2008-02-22T11:14:00.002-05:00

I just thought I'd share some thoughts about my own experience with this. While in college I have found it interesting to see the parallels between struggling to grow as a musician, especially as a vocalist, and struggling to grow in holiness. Being a musician has helped me to better understand the struggles of the spiritual life. As a musician, it can be frustrating at times to see how slowly you progress. You realize you have deeply engrained habits in the way you sing (or play), that are very difficult to change to become better. To improve, you must be diligent in working on those problems/habits specifically even if you would rather practice what you are good at. You also will only improve as much as the effort you make to practice. Your singing is also very much affected by how well you physically, emotionally, and psychologically take care of yourself. For example, if you deprive yourself of sleep, it is very hard to sing without going flat, or to truly focus during practice time.
How similar the spiritual life is to musicianship! We tend to have deeply engrained sinful habits that can be frustrating because it is so hard to root them out. We can also become frustrated with ourselves when we know we do not take the time or effort to practice those virtues that will counter and help to change such habits. We also tend to prefer to continue those spiritual practices that we know we are good at and not challenge ourselves to take a step deeper in transformation and the path to holiness. We get in a comfort zone and for a while often like being in auto pilot. Our prayer life is also affected by every other aspect of our well being. If I am lacking in sleep, going to adoration is not as fruitful because I cannot focus and be as attentive to the Lord.
No matter what aspect of my life, it seems I cannot escape such fundamental spiritual realities. It manifests itself in all tasks and vocations in life. And on that note, I am going to head off to go practice organ, since I desperately need to if i really am going to get any better in that!

SNOW DAY!

2008-02-22T09:20:00.002-05:00

Today we have a snow day! As the teachers here say, cancellation of classes is the only time students cheer to not get something they paid for. Coming from Vermont, it's awesome to get a snow day when there is only about 5 inchest of snow, if that. However they have a point in cancelling, since we are supposed to get sleet and ice a little later on. I think it will be a good day to take a nap. As a senior, it seems I never can get enough sleep! Course, when I have a friend from home that calls often, that makes it a little harder to get to bed on time :-) But that's okay. I'll sacrifice sleep for that.
Also, I'll be lacking sleep this weekend some more, since for the first time in a long time a group of friends and I are driving down to DC to go swing dancing at the Spanish Ballroom Saturday night. I'm excited, but it also means getting to bed at about 4am Sunday morning and having to wake up at 9am to get to church in Berlin, NJ. I guess a nap will be in order on Sunday afternoon when I get back. Hope everyone else has a good weekend!

Vision Statement

2008-02-18T22:31:00.002-05:00

I currently am taking a the last class that is specific to my church music concentration and for one of our assignments we had to write a vision statement for our own parish or one that we would be involved in "planning worship" for. Now, there tends to be a fair amount of stuff covered in some of these classes that isn't all the practical or usuable for me since the Catholic understanding of a musicians role in worship is very different from that of most Protestants. Catholic musicians do not "plan" worship. It has its own set structure. We are there to serve the liturgy, even if our service is "ars integra" of the liturgy. However, with some tweaking, I think a vision statement is a wonderful idea for a Catholic parish that is trying to undertake reform/renewal of liturgy and music. It should be something that succintly gets across to the parishoners the direction the church is trying to head in and in broad terms, WHY that is the direction the church is taking. So considering my own future position as a music director, this is what I came up with so far, although I think I would want to give it some more thought and change it a little. Any of your own Catholic thoughts are welcome:

Vision Statement:
1) Rediscover and learn our Catholic heritage and traditions that have been forgotten and that enrich our faith.
2) Renew our parishes by combining the best of the old and new in our liturgy and parish life, embracing our traditions in a new way in light of the modern world.
3) Extend the gift of our faith to others, having strengthened our faith by the renewal of a Catholic culture and liturgical life, which fills us with a desire to be leaven for the world.

I think something like this gives some clarity to changes being made and helps to word the renewal in a positive way. I would think expressing the missionary aspect of the church as a result of that inner renewal would be important, considering the emphasis on such in "Sacramentum Caritatis".

2008-02-13T23:32:00.005-05:00

The liturgical Tilt-a-whirl

2008-02-13T23:25:00.002-05:00

Another tribute to Fr. Ben:
Does this church make anybody else feel as disoriented as being on an amusement ride?

*Side Note: Sadly, these really are Catholic Churches. Destroyed and hoisted upon Catholics by the one and only "Fr." Richard Vosko, alive and well and still on the rampage. :-(

New UFO Landing site

2008-02-13T23:21:00.003-05:00

As a tribute to Fr. Ben:
Maybe if the aliens choose to come, they'll help to usher in Vatican III.

Piero Marini's book

2008-02-13T22:51:00.003-05:00

There's been alot on the NLM blog recently about Piero Marini's new book dealing with Vatican II. One of the most recent reviews I found interesting was by Fr. George Rutler, who is a well known and respected orthodox priest near NYC I believe. Here is part of his review:

Marini is not a slave to the principle of noncontradiction. The Consilium was "to reflect the hopes and needs of local churches throughout the world," but two sentences later Holy Mother Church becomes something of a nanny: "In order to renew the liturgy, it was not enough to issue new directives; it was also necessary to change the attitudes of both the clergy and the lay faithful to enable them to grasp the purpose of the reform." In case the people thought something was being done to them instead of for them, various means of social communication would be required "in preparing the faithful to welcome the reform.

"The result was implemented on March 7, 1965, with the instruction Inter Oecumenici. Busy hands then set to work in their laboratory to introduce the "broad innovations" that the author says were desired by the council. Some of these matched propositions of the 1786 Synod of Pistoia that Pius VI condemned for its Jansenism. These included vernacularism, elimination of side altars, didactic ceremonial, and astringency of symbols. The versus populum posture of the celebrant was taken for granted in the romantic archeologism that Pius XII warned against in Mediator Dei. Translation of the lectionary gradually expanded to a practical neglect of Latin. Regrettably, the author seems to take an unedifying satisfaction in how the Congregation for Rites was "marginalized" and "now had to submit to the authority of the Consilium and accept its reform unconditionally."[...]
The editors of Marini's A Challenging Reform explain that their aim is to "keep alive" the "vision" of the Consilium, but their diction is a voice in a bunker, embittered by the failure of people to be grateful. If an organism is truly healthy, it does not need a life-support system. [...]For all its proponents' goodness of intention, this kind of thing confuses universality with internationalism, treats the awesome as picturesque, suburbanizes the City of God , and patronizes nations and races. [...]
Perhaps greater contact with pastoral reality would have anticipated the chaos that comes when ardent but misbegotten theories are imposed on the people of God who do not regularly read Notitiae. The blithe obliviousness of many experts to damage all around them is, nonetheless, breathtaking. At times in various lands it is like watching a venerable procession of Alcuin, Ivo of Chartres, Gueranger, Fortescue, and Jungmann and finding, at the end Inspector Clouseau.Those entrusted with so great a project as the Second Vatican Council would have done better had they not felt obliged to act with such haste. One problem in the frantic rush for deadlines was the inconvenience of the Italian postal system. There will never be another ecumenical council without email."

The part that really struck me and that I would like to know more about is the connection he mentions between reforms that were suggested after Vatican II and those that were suggested in the 1700s, many of which were the same, and back then were condemned for their Jansenism! if such is true, how and WHY did we end up approving such reforms in the 20th century?! It is not like principles of Jansenism are now ok. This really disturbed me and sometimes I feel like the more I learn about the liturgical reforms there were the implementation of Vatican Council II, the less I want to learn about it because I do not want to become overly depressed and pessimistic about the state of liturgy in the church or reject the new mass, despite my knowledge of how many "problems" it has.
It is hard for me as a young faithful Catholic at times to be part of the movement of restoration because just thinking about it can be tiring, but I know it must have been so much worse for all those orthodox faithful Catholics who lived through the 70s and 80s.

"Deal graciously, O Lord, with Sion in thy goodness, that the walls of Jerusalem may be rebuilt. Then wilt thou again accept true sacrifice, oblations, and burnt-offerings; then shall they offer bullocks upon thy altar." - Ps. 50

My senior music recital

2008-02-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

It is finally over! I don't have to think about it the rest of the semester. It was a hectic weekend with my family here, and things were really rushed in the morning before my recital. I was stressed out, got there late, all the other people singing in my recital were already there, waiting to practice, but in the end, all went well. I had 20 songs in my program, including 4 Gregorian chants from the Lenten season, two polyphony pieces by Palestrina, one by Guerrero, and the Burial Sentences by William Croft. The recital was pretty much exactly an hour and a half long. I made a few mistakes in my recital, but nothing anybody else noticed, so all is well. You can't expect perfection. I had the recital recorded, but i just realized today upon listening to the master CD that somehow the person recording for me only got HALF of the last song! So I'm a little upset today, because I was planning on having copies made, but I need to find out how that happened, and find a way to have the whole recording of the song. it really is a disappointment because it was Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria, which was one of my favorite songs in the program and i had worked hard to do that well. I pray that something will work out.
On a more positive note, it is interesting and satisfying as a singer to have previous recordings of myself, from high school and 1st year college, and to hear the huge difference in how I sing. It is a good feeling to know how much I have improved.

I had wanted to do a post this past week on Ash Wednesday at my parish, but it's a little late to say much about it now. All i will say, is that the men did an absolutely WONDERFUL job singing the chants, it truly is impossible to describe the effect they have on you. I had forgotten that the Ash Wednesday chants are some of the most beautiful in the church's repertoire. And they were made all the better by some of the men just singing a moving drone ( I don't know what else to call it) while the others chanted the melody: it adds SO MUCH depth to the chant, and even more moving! I don't think i had ever heard Nick do that with the men. Organum yes, drone, no. Although i guess it would be considered a type of organum.
Being able to sit and take in the beauty of the chant just fills me with such an excitement and desire to bring that beauty of chant to the rest of the church! I had taken Shawn and three other Catholics with us to my church that evening, who had never been to the latin mass or heard chant, and they found it to be absolutely beautiful and moving. I think that would be the reaction of most people if they heard chant done well, and in the context of a beautiful, sung liturgy. I just can't imagine people hearing the chant as we did and say to the music director afterwards: " I hated all that music, it was awful, don't ever do it again!" That is, unless they hate beauty and truth. I do understand though, that they needed to be provided with english translations as well.

My Birthday

2008-02-04T20:43:00.000-05:00

It's my birthday today, if anyone cares to know. I am now 22 years old, and making my parents feel really old :-)
This year is pretty uneventful just like last year. (Yes, you heard right, my 21st birthday was uneventful; I am not a fan of alcohol.)
Just hung out a little yesterday with some friends, and wanted to get a Coldstone ice cream cake (soooo good!) but unfortunately they didn't have any made, so that was a pretty big bummer.

On another note, I am bringing three young Catholics from my school to a latin mass at my church for the first time, they have never been to one. I pray their experience will be positive, even if it may be a bit confusing, especially since they are coming on Ash Wednesday and not a regular Sunday mass. But I think it is important to expose as many young people to the EF of the mass. they need to know what came before them, and the Latin mass is probably the best way for them to SEE the traditions of their faith. Then they have a standard, in a sense, by which to compare the NO mass. Without that, have much will they really understand of the renewal and reform taking place in the Church? I am guessing not as much.

Also, my senior music recital is in... 5 days!!! time seems to be going by so quickly! My Dad will be coming down here to visit for the first time, which is exciting. Pray that i sing really well, Since I am recording it! It is a 1 1/2 hr-long recital, so i hope i don't get too fatigued.

Work to do now, paper due Wednesday related to C.S. Lewis' "The abolition of man" which is starting to make my brain feel like mush, but sort of in a good way. However, I am glad i am not a theology major!

Feast of the Presentation of the Lord: Candlemas: The Purification of the BVM

2008-02-03T20:14:00.000-05:00

This special and beautiful feast just occurred in the church calendar yesterday, and unfortunately in much of the Church in America went unnoticed! If some of you don't know, this feast is actually one of the most ancient revelatory feasts about our Lord, and also about our Lady, originating in Jerusalem? So why is it we don't celebrate it anymore? Why is it that priests do not encourage my their example and teaching? This feast gives us one of the best ties with the Eastern catholic Church, since it was spread from there to the West. However, much of that East-West connection has been lost, and i would like to show how. First i will answer the question of why: because of the simplifying "revisions" of "implementing" Vatican II.
Now i'm not saying the teachings of Vatican II are bad, and I won't get into all my views about the liturgical calendar as a whole, but i must say when i compared the liturgies of Feb. 2nd, old and new, i was disappointed in the new mass when it comes to celebrating this feast.

The biggest differences is at the very beginning of the feast celebration. Historically, meaning from the middle ages all the way up till 1962, there have been 5 orations (prayers) to bless the candles that use much symbolism of fire and light and how they express our faith and Christ. These prayers are ancient and of Eastern origin. Then the candles are incensed and sprinkled with holy water, and then distributed to the priests and laity. During the distribution the choir sings the canticle of Simeon (Nunc dimittis) and the antiphon"Lumen ad revelationem gentium et gloriam plebis tuæ Israel" is sung after every verse until all the candles are passed out and lit. Then as the procession starts (going outside), the choir sings the antiphon "Adorna thalamum tuum, Sion", composed by St. John of Damascus, one of the few pieces which, text and music, have been borrowed by the Roman Church from the Greeks. The other antiphons are of Roman origin. The solemn procession represents the entry of Christ, who is the Light of the World, into the Temple of Jerusalem. there is a certain chant that is begun upon the congregations reentry into the church, and then the mass began right away and followed the structure of any normal mass with all the proper chants, Kyrie, gloria, etc.
Now compare this with the "new" liturgy: The 5 ancient orations have been done away with and replaced with one simple prayer. Not only that, but the candles are not all first blessed and then given to the people, they are handed out to the people and THEN blessed, which is really an odd way of blessing something! This also then means that the canticle of Simeon is NOT sung while candles are being passed out, the chant with its antiphon is not part of the ritual at all! There is actually a whole new created chant that is suggested to be sung, even though it is way to short to accompany the passing out of the candles. Also, how is the priest supposed to sprinkle all the candles with holy water when everyone is holding them first. Thankfully, the "Adorna..." chant is retained to be sung during the procession, but the one upon reentering the church has been changed to just chanting the introit, even though techincally, the procession is not yet done. Then, probably one of the strangest things, is that the missal says the Kyrie should be ommitted! (but the gloria is still sung). I have NEVER BEFORE seen instructions in a mass for the Kyrie to be omitted. the gloria, yes, during penitential seasons, but the Kyrie??

One last smaller difference: In the older rites, the people were to again hold their candles lit through the proclamation of the Gospel (and also throughout the whole Canon i believe), which is removed in the new rite.

So many rich meaningful prayers, rituals, and symbols have been lost!! Celebrating candlemas in the new rite of the mass can still be beautiful, but if done according to the books, it lacks A LOT of depth compared to the rich historical rituals and prayers that it used to have. Although, i have to wonder if you could change some things so that the structure looks more like the traditional structure in the beginning. I know you probably couldn't just ADD the 5 orations in, but maybe you could possibly bless all the candles together, and just sing the nunc dimittis anyway as candles are being distributed. And maybe you could just sing the old reentry chant anyway, THEn the introit, and hold lit candles during the gospel. maybe I am wrong in hoping that such changes could just be done, but i don't see how it would harm anything, if anything it would help to give the whole blessing and processional more coherence and structure.
Oh, one last thing: supposedly the priest can also choose right before distributing the candles, to give a short instruction about the meaning of the procession and the prayers, etc.

I pray that the Feast of the Presentation will someday become more celebrated in the church and will advocate for it to be done wherever I go, especially to have it done in the extraordinary form which makes evident the rich history of the feast and the East-West connection of the church much more clearly. It is a beautiful feast to be done in the evening on Feb. 2nd so that the candlelit procession is in the dark : - )

My personal experience: the old mass affecting the new

2008-01-19T00:50:00.001-05:00

Something i was thinking about today was the changes that the extraordinary form of the mass has caused in my liturgical and devotional life. It is interesting to note that for the first year of my encounter with the older form of the mass, it caused some confusion because of the great number of differences in the calendar structure and in the mass itself compared to the post-Vat. II calendar and liturgy. Also, because i had a pretty immediate attraction to the latin mass, i found going to the NO of the mass on weekdays to be frustrating at times as i came to understand better and better the richness of the EF of the mass.
However, i would like to say that i think (and hope) a balance is being reached in my life. I am still very much attracted to the EF mass, but it has now become a cause of enrichment of my experience of and participation in the NO of the mass. The EF mass, with its more set structure has given me a more solid foundation for truly praying the mass in union with the priest even when going to the NO of the mass. The EF mass has helped me to internalize the Eucharistic prayer, (or I prefer to always refer to it as THE Roman Canon) so that even despite the lack of quiet externally in a NO daily or weekend mass, i have been more easily able to foster that silence within by in a sense ignoring a lot of the spoken text of the priest in the NO of the mass because i have internalized his prayers and so unite my prayer with his. There are still times when this is hard, especially at daily masses when 1) Eucharistic prayer 2 is pretty much used by default, which makes me feel thrown into the consecration without preparation and hinders me from being able to properly offer the sacrifice and myself and my prayers with the priest to the Lord, and 2) when priests rush through this part of the mass, showing a lack of reverence and awe at this most powerful and mysterious sacramental reality taking place, especially when it can already be so short by use of Euch. prayer 2.
For me, there is one Roman canon. it is now imprinted upon my soul and i can pray no other at mass. I think that this is a special grace of the EF of the mass with its one set canon, which goes back at least to the 6th century. It has aided my internal prayer at the NO of the mass greatly.
Maybe this post will help even one priest to understand the power of the Roman Canon, or Eucharistic prayer 1.

2008-01-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

I actually have a few moments to make a post. I am not so stressed as i was at the beginning of the week. The Lord will give me the strength to deal with everything that he has placed before me if i remain faithful to Him and spend time in quiet with him. My greatest concern to start this semester has been that i won't have the time that i know i need alone with the Lord to grow in my relationship with him and deeper in love with him. So i pray that this concern does not become a reality by my own fault. I embark this semester with deeper thoughts about vocation and a call to search deeper within myself. I am coming ever closer to discovering the calling that God has placed within me of what i am called to be. My retreat in a cloister has provided much food for thought even if it wasn't the most enjoyable experience. I have learned several things. One, i know for sure i am not called to cloistered religious life, if i am called to live in community; two, i believe i have come out with a greater dependence on God, but it will need to be fostered continually by prayer and silence if it is to bear the fruits of humility and greater charity and all other virtues; three, that i had at least partially fallen into the modern trap of thinking of a vocation along the lines of what i am called to do rather than what i am called to be; fourth, this greater understanding of vocation has led me into a whole other level so to speak of my vocational discernment that is at once more complex and at times tiring because i just desire to know where I am called, but at the same time i am driven on for my heart will be restless until it rests in God; fifth, time needs to be taken this last semester to grow to a deeper understanding of my talents and what i do as the fruit of my vocation, and so converse with the Lord as to how the passions and talents that are rooted deep within me are to be part of my vocation or affect it; sixth, I have learned that there is also the Order of Virgins as a way of publicly being consecrated to the Lord but living in the world, which i will look into as well as religious communities; seventh, without community of some sort, of really close friends to share with each other our spiritual journeys, I become lost quite easily. Even if consecrated in the world, i would need at least 1 0r 2 people to share like this with.
And really there is probably much more that i have learned from having taken retreat, which will bear fruit in due time. May i remember to place all in the care of Our Lady.

Few posts

2008-01-14T23:43:00.000-05:00

I will say now that I at least know that until after May, my posts will probably be few and far between. I'm in my last semester of college, with 18 credits, a senior recital in 4 weeks, 2 classes requiring traveling off campus, and job searching to do for after i graduate. Things will be a bit stressful. for any of you who read this blog, say a prayer for me! I'm going to need it, i already am feeling the stress, and it's only the first day back...

My Senior Music Recital

2007-12-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

I just thought I would share the fact that my Senior music recital is less than two months away now! I am very excited for it, it really encapsulates so much of my college experience. It is longer than most as well, but i wanted it that way. All my pieces are vocal, with two each in German, French, and Italian, and multiple in English and Latin. I will be singing twelve songs for voice and piano that I have learned in my voice lessons over the course of the past 4 years, as well as 8 other pieces. Four will be Gregorian chants from the season of Lent, and 3 Renaissance polyphony pieces (2 by Palestrina, one by Guerrero) and one homophonic choral piece by William Croft. So total, i have 20 selections in my recital, which will be about an hour and a half with an intermission. I could not imagine having done a senior recital without singing chant and polyphony, especially considering the place i will be singing in, which is probably the best part of it all. Below are some pictures of the Sanctuary of St. Malachy's Parish in Philadelphia, probably the oldest Irish Catholic church in the city. It is mainly a poor black congregation that attends there now. The Sanctuary is absolutely gorgeous as you can see and the whole church just begs to have chant and polyphony sung in it, the acoustics were built for it. The rest of the Church is not enormous, which makes it ideal for my recital, so it is a little more intimate. I very much look forward to singing for all my family and friends, but primarily for God, in such a magnificent place of Catholic worship that probably has not heard such music in its walls for many years. My recital is planned for February 9th, and will be recorded by a friend from my parish, Mater Ecclesiae.

The Immaculate Conception

2007-12-08T20:46:00.000-05:00

It was really great for the first time to sing polyphony that I myself picked for the choral mass, and to have it go well. It was a really satisfying feeling. We sang a wonderful choral mass of the settings of the ordinary by Palestrina and a motet by Hassler for the feast of Our Lady's Immaculate Conception today, as well as hymns for the congregation: Daily daily sing to Mary, O Sanctissima, and Immaculate Mary. I certainly hope the high mass at the cathedral in Burlington went beautifully well last night.
I got to spend some time with my good friend Anja today since she came to sing alto for the mass with us. We got to talk alot about liturgy and the music in different places, and just views on things liturgical, which was nice.
I was thinking today, that i honestly believe that, if you planned a choral mass for a feast day in the church, and did it welll, i think you would have few if any complaints about it. instead, i think it would open many people's hearts and minds to beauty in the liturgy and let them have a glimpse of how beautiful and sacred and reverent their worship can be, especially with the right music. I just can't see how people could complain after hearing Palestrina, it's so beautiful and can seem to lift you right into heaven. Once getting a chance to just experience an immensely beautiful liturgy, I think it could change a lot of hearts and minds about it. Just my thought. Maybe i'm naive and too hopeful.

Thanksgiving in Vermont

2007-11-27T00:28:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a while since i've posted, but i know very few people read this blog anyway. I went home to Vermont for Thanksgiving break, which was nice. my allergies kicked in of course, but that's alright. Thanksgiving is quite different for my family now that it used to be. I miss our whole Depatie family getting together at my Aunt Therese's and i especially miss her famous bread rolls! But our family is growing too big, so meals together just doesn't work, no one's house is big enough for a sit down meal with all of us. So we are starting to just have our family and sometimes my mom's sister and her family, or we go to their house. and this year we have a new member of the family! I am now an aunt, and my new niece Pheobe Marie is only 2-3 weeks old. She's so cute!

Besides seeing her, I also got to see the new shrine for the tabernacle that Fr. Ben has had completed, and it is beautiful. I'm very hopeful about the prospect of going back to Vermont. I see a lot of good reforms in my home parishes, and there has definitely been receptivity to changes in music, but they need help in that department for it to be more consistent. My grandmother actually wants to try to teach the choir a latin gloria and other mass parts. both parish now sing the Agnus Dei strongly, so it is time to start doing another part of the mass in latin as well. One piece at a time... My home parishes also seems like the ideal place to start in Vermont since the parishes already have organists, so i wouldn't be desparately needed to play, although i am learning organ, and getting better at it.
I got to introduce myself to the bishop as well, and express my interest in music for the diocese, so we'll see what happens. I think it is safe for me to say now that there ARE opportunities in Vermont for me, now i just need to discern if that is where God wants me to go. So prayers for that please.

All Soul's Requiem Mass

2007-11-03T10:59:00.000-04:00

I wish i could record all the masses i sing for at my church. In some way this would help me to preserve memories of the two beautiful years i am spending here, and do not know what will happen after that. For All Souls last night, we had a solemn high mass in the extraordinary form complete with a fake casket (catafaulk?) and we sang Victoria's 6 voice "Officium defunctorum": the introit, kyrie, santus, agnus dei, and communion antiphon. The rest of the antiphons and chants were sung to the regular chant by the 7 men present. We had a 11 people to sing it! Words can't even come close to describing the experience of a requiem high mass in the EF. My mind cannot comprehend how such a beautiful, exquisite expression of mourning for the deceased, praying for them, and the constant hope underlying all of it could just be forgotten by the majority of the Catholic Church. I would not want to be buried to anything else. I would want to know that people are going to the mass to pray for my soul, not "celebrate my life". I'll need all the prayers i can get! And a requiem mass with out the chants just seems so incomplete. I have heard a requiem low and high mass in the EF, and the high mass is just so much more uplifting and... i don't even know how to describe it.
May many priests take the initiative to bring back the solemnity of a requiem mass and the understanding of praying for the deceased and supporting those who are grieving in the most appropriate manner, by mourning with them, but also providing them with hope through Christ. I have read many accounts of priests who have started to return to purple or black vestments for all souls and funeral masses, and have not received any negative comments from anyone. May the chant of the texts also return, for without it, the requiem mass has lost SO much.

2007-10-30T16:03:00.001-04:00

I have changed a lot in the past year as regards my knowledge and opinions on liturgy, and i would like to share some of that journey here. When i discovered the extraordinary form of the mass and was immediately attracted to it, i will admit that i struggle for quite a long time with traditionalist tendencies both in a couple matters of faith and liturgy (the faith issues being more because of an association with another traditionalist). And i cannot say for sure that i am not past those tendencies at times, but i would like to think i have found balance and value in the two forms of the Roman rite of the mass. I would like to share what is in my own opinion, some or the pros and cons of both forms. ( i will abbreviate to ex. form)
In the ex. form of the mass, you have the prayers at the foot of the altar before the priest even truly enters the sanctuary. At my parish, we do have an english entrance hymn and then the introit is chanted at the same time the priest is saying the prayers with the server quietly at the foot of the altar. Then the kyrie is started, during which father is incensing the altar, and then goes to the epistle side of the altar to read quietly the introit and the kyrie. Then he intones the Gloria and reads it quietly while we are chanting it, after which follows the collect, or opening prayer. in the new order of the mass, the prayers at the foot of the altar have been removed, but an incensing of the altar can be done, then the confession of sins, and the priest does not read quietly those parts that are sung, instead he joins in the singing with the people. However, often the introit is not sung because there doesn't seem to be a place for it.
In my opinion, i do find in the ex. form that having the introit chanted while the priest is saying the prayers at the foot of the altar (which includes the "I confess") IS confusing and hard to follow everything going on at once. I can understand the simplification in the new order of the mass both on practical grounds and also historically, knowing that the prayers at the foot of the altar were originally said in the sacristy and are a Middle Ages addition to the liturgy. However, i think incensing of the altar should be done regularly in the New order of the mass to allow for the chanting of the introit after an entrance hymn is done (although the introit's proper place is during the procession). I also like having the confiteor said aloud together in the new order of the mass, which is basically in place of the prayers at the foot of the altar, although a more close english translation from the latin confiteor would be better. I also understand the simplification to the rite in the sense that the priest does not now say quietly the parts that are sung by the choir/people. Understandably, they are read if they are not sung, but i don't see any harm done to the new order of the mass by having the priest not say the sung texts, instead he joins the people.
I think that if done more elaborately, the opening rite of mass in the new form is very beautiful and focused and would allow for all the proper music to be sung without taking away an entrance hymn for the people to sing.
As regards the liturgy of the word, i do think chanting the readings in the vernacular is a good choice, because they do not have to be repeated later in english before the sermon (like in the ex. form) and the chanting provides a sacred sense of God's word.
The responsorial psalm or the gradual? I am inclined to say that i prefer the gradual because of how meditative it is and gives beauty to the liturgy, but i also would not have a problem with the resp. psalm if more reverent musical settings were provided for them. I can understand somewhat their historical reasoning for going back to a resp. psalm, but not completely. i won't get into the history of the gradual here. But let's just say that i think a more modal refrain melody for the psalm and singing the verses of the psalm to psalm tones like in monasteries/convents would be much more appropriate and meditative for this part of the liturgy in the new form of the mass.
I definitely prefer the offertory prayers in the ex. form of the mass and pray that they will someday be restored to the new order of mass. I also do not understand why 3 new "canons" were created. In my experience, having the one canon in the ex. form has helped me to internalize the mass more fruitfully; it does not have to become boring to people, that really is their choice whether to let it become boring to them or not. At the start of the Sanctus, here i do not mind that the priest says the sanctus quietly while it is being sung in the ex. form(and bells are rung) b/c it serves the purpose of him continuing into the canon, recited quietly, while the sanctus is still being sung. I think this overlap is exquisitely beautiful and appropriate and find that in the new order of the mass, it is too mechanical for the priest to "wait" for the heaven host w/ us to stop singing before he starts the canon, the most mystical part of the mass. I think a good option in the new order of the mass would be for the priest to start the canon quietly and return to saying it audibly (though still in a low voice) once the santus is done being sung. I have seen this done by a priest and makes almost as much sense as a silent canon. But i know a silent canon would be difficult for a congregation to get used to, and you would need to have one, stable, canon that you use in the new order of the mass, and it should be Eucharistic prayer I. I also find it ridiculous that we remain standing for the sanctus and the agnus dei in the new mass.
I think we need a more reverent sign of peace (if any at all) in the new order of the mass (like a bow to each other or something) and a return to the threefold " O lord i am not worthy to..." like in the ex. form for symbolic emphasis.
And of course, in the new mass, the off. and comm. chants could be done followed by a hymn. my church does this in the ex. form. ( and the altar should be incensed in the new mass during the off.) the new response of the people during the canon i find a bit odd, but i think it can be done reverently, and we should use the set latin form of it that is already set to chant, or adapt the chant to fit an english translation of it.
As for reception of communion, i am not alone among people my age who desire to see a return of the communion rail and reception kneeling and on the tongue (standing for those people who can't kneel is fine). There is no rule that says you HAVE to offer communion under both species and I think in the ex. form there were practical reasons for NOT offering both species, such as the spread of germs from a communal chalice being drunk from. I also hav found that i understand better that ALL of Christ is present in the host because of receiving just one species, whereas before it was hard not to think of Christ as some how divided up between his body and his blood because of the reception of both species (this is just my own personal experience).
I also think the collects should be chanted in the new mass like in the ex. form, but could be done in the vernacular.
And lastly, why is it that benediction is never done at the conclusion of mass in the new order of the mass? Is it even still allowed anymore? I find it such a beautiful expression of adoration of Christ whom we have just received and a powerful way of expressing thanksgiving for mass and our beliefs in the True Presence. It helps to end mass with a greater sense of reverence as well. Then follow it with a recessional hymn.
Oh, lastly, i forgot to mention, that i do think having announcements done right before the sermon is probably a better place than at the end of mass because that way you don't lose focus at the end of mass. However, i don't know if that is ok to do in the new mass b/c the homily is now considered part of the mass, whereas in the ex. form it is not.

I welcome any comments about my observance of the differences between the forms of mass. I have seen the new order of the mass celebrated beautifully and if it were done in that way all the time, would be fine with attending it on a regular basis, although i still think much of the texts need to be fixed/reinstated in its liturgy. Whereas with the ex. form of the mass, it has spots that are hard to follow and that do seem redundant(as stated above) but overall I find it expresses the fulness of the Catholic faith more effectively and think much should be drawn from it to reform the new mass.

I'm Back

2007-10-30T15:47:00.000-04:00

It has been quite some time since i have posted, due to school work, although i have been wanting to post. It probably doesn't matter too much anyway since i know this is not viewed very much. However, there were a couple things i have wanted to post about. I shall discuss the first one here.
I have seen it posted by another catholic church musician i very much respect about the topic of parishoners lamenting the horrible music in most of our churches nowadays. I have heard it stated from him and other Catholic musicians, that if the parishoners really gave their honest opinion of the music in most places, most would tell you they find it horrible. And it may have even driven some Catholics away from the church (although i don't agree that that is a legitimate excuse to abandon your faith). I am wary of this presumption though. My first question would be: how many ARE there, really, who would say this?
I would hope there are quite a few myself, but i have never heard anyone say this, and so i am wary that to make such a claim about the thoughts of people in the pews on music is a blanket statement. I would be more inclined to think that most people in the pews are indifferent about the choice of music, maybe because they have even learned to close their ears to mediocre or bad music they have heard often in church.
I would also like to comment on when you try to change music in a parish though, to conform it more to the directives from Sacrosanctum Concilium and other music documents from the Vatican following that. If truly many people either dislike the mediocre music currently in use or just ignore it, why does just one or two complaints from parishoners very often tend to discourage continuation of the change in music? In my experience when i have seen complaints of such changes, it usually is coming from those in the parish who are known to be more partial to the changes of the church in the 1960s and 70s or just to folk music in general and would like us to stay in that time era as regards to music as well. But why should those few voices be allowed to dictate the music that is done, against the directives from holy Mother Church? Also to be taken into account is that such people who do not want music from the church's history to return are never going to change in that opinion and so reveal themselves as being stuck in a certain time era which no longer connects with our society.
Changes to music should still be done slowly and with education to the faithful, but deliberately, so that the parish knows there is a sense of direction, purpose, and goal to the changes.

My place

2007-10-21T18:10:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a week since my last post and have wanted to post lately but have not had time! i still do not have time to say much tonight, since some of my family came to visit me at college for four days, so i have homework to catch up on now!
I hope to be able to post soon, more on sacred music in the church, but in the meantime, if anyone checks this blog, pray for me as i continue to struggle with discerning my place in the church and its musical heritage, wondering if in the future i would even be capable of "working in the trenches" as Jeffrey Tucker puts it, in the normal Catholic parish setting. Or am I meant to just help the spread of the extraordinary form and by my knowledge of chant and polyphony and make high masses possible? I have no clue, and it's so frustrating because I lack the trust I desire to have a deep trust in God's will for me and when He chooses to reveal it.

Vocation

2007-10-14T16:49:00.000-04:00

Well, i finally bought the plane ticket this past week to go to Missouri in January and spend a week with the Benedictines of Mary, Queen of the Apostles. $500 was a big chunk of change, but i know that the spiritual worth of such a trip will be more valuable the monetary amount i had to pay. I hope the Lord gives me some further direction from this coming trip, because if they are not the religious order i am eventually to join, i don't know where else to look. There are only a couple of really traditional women religious orders in the U.S. (sigh) may God give me guidance and teach me not to worry.

Mater Ecclesiae

2007-10-08T20:32:00.000-04:00

I know i'm a little late in putting this here, but this is the first i've known about it. After the release of the Motu Propio in July, my parish here in NJ had a wonderful mass of celebration and much festivities in the hall after (which unfortunately i could not be a part of since i was in Vermont), and the Philadelphia Inquirer was invited to do a story and videotape the Mass. So i wanted to share with you the video that is online! Click here.
My parish is one that knows how to sing hymns! :-)
Just thought you all might like to see how we celebrate mass here.

what does the future hold?

2007-10-07T17:51:00.000-04:00

I again had a wonderful day at my parish and sang a choral mass for the closing of our forty hours' devotion, which included mass celebrated with the blessed sacrament exposed (only allowed in the extraordinary form i think) and the chanting of the litany of the saints followed by a procession outside the church. oh, how i LOVE my church!!! There was of course, much socializing after, as usual.
That however, is not the topic of my post. I am a frequent visitor of the NLM blog and particularly like to read stuff by Jeffrey Tucker, and have read a few things by him and some other people about how to start a schola in your own parish. The article is here and gave me much to think about. I know i will forever be learning about the music and liturgy of the church, but even more feel like there is still so much for me to learn to be able to serve a parish in bringing about musical reform. I wonder, will I have the patience for such a thing? will i be a good example of Christian charity? will i know how to discuss with those who may disagree about the direction the music heads in? With Jeffrey making reference to the fact that a new schola in essence has to prove themselves, what happens when you do make a mistake in how things are done? What if it then all falls apart? In some ways, i fear of making those types of mistakes, of not having the patience of not know how to correctly deal with parishoners when confronted, of not even knowing where exactly to start! Especially if i do end up in a situation where it's two parishes trying to unite as one with only one mass at one church and two at the other? how do you go about such reform in such a condition?
I know my fear probably mainly comes from a lack of trust in God to prepare me for what he has in store for me, and the best answer would be to pray more. But it so often is hard not to think about the future and where you might end up and how you would handle it, etc.
Such a tough year this is already proving to be in the areas of discernment and trust in God's will, and patience. I hope that is because those are precisely the areas God will help me to grow in.

Cabrini College Gone Traditional??

2007-10-04T20:04:00.000-04:00

Probably not, sorry to say. However, upon going to their chapel on campus this year, i was met with a pleasant surprise: the sanctuary has been quite extensively remodeled, and it's beautiful! It would be a wonderful place to celebrate the TLM or the Novus Ordo ad orientem. Despite this beautiful sanctuary now(it is also bigger because of the renovation), they still don't use it to say mass, which is unfortunate. But, at least an intimate place to adore the blessed sacrament is now provided. I don't have before pictures, but here is the sanctuary and the chapel as it is now:

As you can see, it is set up so that mass is said from the middle of the chapel, which is just ridiculous, and does not follow the norms laid down by the church. What is new to the sanctuary is all the woodwork along the walls and coming out toward the center, and the tall windows and the layered look to the back wall. I think it is simple and beautiful. It reminds me of a choir for monks because you can sit all along the inside now against the wall. Before, there was just a small step up and just the altar in the middle, and a couple of those chairs placed in front to be able to adore the Eucharist when it was in the tabernacle. I was told that the renovation was donated by someone, and otherwise, they wouldn't have done such a thing. I remember last year when i wrote to the school (for lack of knowing who to address) about the inappropriateness of the setup of their sanctuary and missing elements according to Vat. II documents, and was made to feel like some sort of criminal, like i had done something wrong for addressing the issue. the school or chaplain (who is a franciscan priest from Villanova) didn't even talk to me about it, instead they had Eastern's chaplain talk to me about my concerns about Cabrini! It was pretty odd. And the only thing told to me by the Franciscan priest was: "we aren't going to change the chapel to fit your tastes" and it was not in a very nice tone either.

So needless to say, i hadn't gone back there till now and i still won't for mass, but i think i'll go more often to adore Christ, who desperately needs it there since this past Wednesday i was the only one to adore the Sacrament that was exposed except for the priest.

Obviously, there liberal liturgy and soft catechesis isn't drawing any of the students to the faith....(or the drums and piano music).

But maybe, just maybe, this renovation will be a first step to something better... and a new chaplain in the future.

Parish prayer for vocations

2007-10-03T21:27:00.000-04:00

I thought i would share with all of you a prayer that my parish says before the sermon at every mass. I think it is a good practice in our day to start having parishes say a prayer for vocations together because they are so desperately needed, and maybe by hearing the prayer every week, it will get families to foster religious vocations in their children. Here it is:

O God, we earnestly beseech thee, to bless the church with many priests, brothers, and sisters, who will love thee with their whole strength, be faithful to their vocation, and gladly spend their entirely lives to teach thy truth, serve thy church, and to make thee known and loved.
V. Bless our families, bless our children
R. Choose from our homes those who are needed for thy work.
V. O Mary, Queen of the clergy
R. Pray for our priests, seminarians, and religious; obtain for us many more. Amen.

I hope that some of you priests can introduce this prayer or something similar in your parishes, and send it to other priests. V. is led by the priest, then the parish responds.
Our parish also says an Our Father after for and end to terrorism and the conversion of the Muslims and all people to Christ, but that's a different mattter.

Is the Church to fall apart in Holland?!

2007-10-03T13:30:00.000-04:00

I ran across an extremely disturbing and distressing article on the NLM blog about the state of mass in Holland being led by the Dominican order. They essentially are trying to turn the Catholic church protestant from what i can tell! And they are trying to spread it through the whole country by their recent booklet they are putting out. mind you, this same group already came under scrutiny by the doctrine of the faith earlier. Why hasn't this been stopped by now? To give you an understanding of how distressing a situation this is, go to http://chiesa.espresso.repubblica.it/articolo/170066?eng=y .
Things like this continue to remind how much i should sacrifice more for the church because it needs saints! It needs more of us really willing to sacrifice for the faith and live it heroically. The article also makes me upset though, because i wonder why such a situation as this has not provoked immediate action by the church, even the bishop or the rest of the Dominican order!!! isn't anyone willing to stand up and condemn this for what it is? Will we just let so many people get led astray while it is all carefully looked into? If the situation is really as bad as it sounds, i would think immediate action should be the reaction!
pray for the church in Holland and pray for us young Catholics that God may form us into heroic saints.

The Kiss of Peace

2007-10-02T19:49:00.000-04:00

I would like to encourage people and priests especially to check out a post today on the NLM blog about the kiss of peace. Most of us are familiar with how it tends to disrupt the sacred action in the mass with a moment of generic greetings. Instead of saying more i shall refer you here. It's a wonderful article by a Cistercian monk and if other things get posted ahead of it just search for the title: "NLM Guest Article: The Liturgical Kiss of Peace". Make sure to read the comments especially! there are a lot of good suggestions in there for ways to do the kiss of peace in a more dignified way that more clearly expresses the peace of Christ rather than a time to say hi to our neighbors. I think the first two comments would be my favorite options for the sign of peace. Definitely check it out! Although, getting a parish to change how they give the sign of peace might be a little challenging, i'm not sure. I would think if the change was explained, it would be better recieved? Education i at least know, would be key.
Well, i should get to my homework. Keep my friend Shawn in your prayers. He is studying abroad this semester in Oxford and has a tutorial with Fr. Aiden Nichols! His tutorial is on "the liturgical theology of Pope Benedict XVI! i hope he learns a lot. then he can come back and know what i'm talking about when i try to talk to him about liturgy :-)

A festive day... and other suggestions

2007-09-30T20:26:00.000-04:00

Today was a wonderful day at my church. I got to sit and listen to a choral mass for once instead of singing it, which is really nice to do once in a while, to just enjoy the mass, although i love to sing for it too. It was a very festive day at Mater Ecclesiae and a PACKED church, because our guest of honor was Fr. Benedict Groeschel! He is good friends with Fr. Pasley, our priest, and finally made it down to visit Father's parish. He gave a riveting and engaging sermon that dealt with a number of topics, including the importance of the extraordinary form of the mass (as well as telling us even that was celebrated poorly before the council, that the priest's didn't speak lating, they spoke "jibberish" because they said it so fast, lol), and so the liturgical movement today in either form is characterized by it's importance on reverence, awe and beauty. He also talked much about the importance of a correct understanding of Christ, especially in our time when Christ's divinity is continually minimized or challenged by the "historical Jesus" brought about by rationalism/modernism. He was very adament about encouraging us to read Pope Benedict's new book, "Jesus of Nazareth" esp. the first 25 pages (which we should read with a pencil in hand) because it is so crucial to the understanding of Christ as he really is in our day when even priests minimize Christ's divinity in some way. So i really think i'm going to get the book now. Fr. Groeschel truly sees our "Papa" as a genius and wise beyond his years (150 he said) He said much else, but it's hard to remember it all!
Since i'm on the topic of my church, there's a couple things i'd like to put out there for priests' knowledge. Once of the things that may seem hard to change in typical parishes when starting to implement the reform of the reform is the issue of girl altar servers. But i believe removing girls from that role is crucial to encouraging priestly vocations in boys by having them alone serve at the altar and from relationships with the priest. A few parishes where i have seen an effective transition away from altar girls is to form a type of society for them. a couple examples - 1) at Mater Ecclesiae, we have the Blessed Imelda lambertini Society, which is "A Society of prayer and Eucharistic Adoration for young girls and women who have received the sacrament of First Holy Communion" The girls love it, because on feast days, they are part of the procession and where white dresses and shoes, with blue sashes and white veils. They have a banner to carry in front as well, and yearly Fr. Pasley inducts new members into the society. Also, a couple of the girls have the honor of doing the may crowning of our lady.
2) our lady of lourdes in Overbrook PA also started a separate society for girls as well called the Bernadettes, which is "Girl's Society, established for development and promotion of Christian and human formation for young ladies; dedicated to the imitation of St. Bernadette Subirous; to praying for an end to abortion and the outreach to help change the hearts of those women contemplating procuring an abortion. Present for various liturgies as an honor guard in processions and at the altar." this parish is especially a good example of the liturgical movement, as it now celebrates both forms of the mass as of Sept. 16th, including the Novus Ordo in Latin which i went to last week, and it is run by the mercedarian friars who have really renewed the parish life check them out - www.ourladylourdes.org
3) lastly, there's a parish in Connecticut with a young priest by the name of Fr. Greg Markey which has done a fantastic job in 2 years of bringing about the reform of the reform through much education of church teaching on liturgy. There is A LOT of valuable things on his church's website. They also have a group for girls called "handmaids of the altar" and a great FAQ tab about a lot of the changes made to their liturgy. One thing i like though is that upon making the switch to only allowing boys to now serve, they allowed those girls who had already been serving continue to serve as long as they liked, but no new girls would be accepted. i thought that was a very good way of transitioning. The parish website is - www.stmarynorwalk.net

another thing in connection with my church i want to discuss is training for the extraordinary form of the mass. I know our Vermont bishop seemed quite clear about planning to train priests in this form, but i know how difficult that may end up being since the priests are already so busy. it may be difficult to send them away for a weekend for training. However, i believe training in this form of the mass so it becomes available to Vermont Catholics will be crucial in interesting boys in the priesthood again. Vermont lacks vocations! I think the extraordinary form will be fundamental in bringing about more vocations, so training for current priests in this form needs to happen. If priests are able to sneak away for a weekend, i would recommend going to one hosted by the canons regular of St. john Cantius in Chicago, and i believe they still have room in their next training weekend which is Oct. 17-19! you can go here for more information- http://www.musicasacra.com/celebrant ( i don't know how to creat links!). The training has two tracks, learning to chant the mass in the ordinary OR extraordinary form. I highly suggest checking out their parish website, they have done some amazing things since 1990. (for example, growing from 70 families to 1,000 families) www.cantius.org.
ALSO, these priests have also started a website with online tutorials for priests AND altar servers to learn the extraordinary form, which i think will be really helpful for priests who are extremely busy. Go to www.sanctamissa.org. they are continuing to develop the website, and there's also a bookstore there.

Another awesome thing i have heard is that the priest at my parish in NJ is planning with another priest to eventually have priests be able to come to Mater Ecclesiae to learn the extraordinary form! Fr. Pasley is honestly the best celebrant for mass i have ever seen. I'll keep you updated on that development.

I hope some of this can be helpful to priests i know, and can be spread to other priests by means of this. For solely learning the extraordinary form, there are also workshops being given by the Institute of Christ the King, Sovereign Priest and the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter, so look them up!

I've come across a really good article in my Fall issue of Sacred Music, published by the CMAA, that i would love to post once they have it online, because i think it might be good as a starting point for educating a parish before making liturgical changes. the article is "Beauty and the Roman Liturgy" by Fr. Martin Fox, and once it's available on their website, i'll link to it.

I should save something to post for another time, so i will bid adieu. But for those who read this i would like to say, that if you are a supporter of the reform of the reform, take Fr. Groeschel's advice and support the spread of the extraordinary form of the mass as well. it is needed to put the church back in touch with her liturgical heritage and will aid most fruitfully a reform of the reform of the ordinary mass. so encourage and support your priest in any way possible to bring reverence, sacredness, and beauty back to the liturgy. Inquire about the extraordinary form. And pray for all of us who are or are preparing to serve the liturgy of the Catholic Church in any way.

Entering Blogdom

2007-09-28T23:50:00.000-04:00

I'm not exactly sure why i'm doing it, but i'm deciding to enter the blogging world. I've learned so much in the past year from blogs and met such a wide variety of opinions and believe i am the better for it. I guess i hope to know other people through this who share my love of the Catholic Church and are involved in music ministry in the Church, so i can learn and have support from them, as i am about to enter into the joys and suffering it may entail to reform Catholic music. All prayers for me are welcome, for the year seems to be heavy with discernment. i so often want to plan out my life the way i think it should go, and am constantly working with the Lord on that fault of mine. He often helps by putting unexpected events in my life. I'll forever be grateful for discovering my Catholic heritage in the Traditional Latin Mass, or now called the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite, and will promote its use everywhere! But i feel that i am possibly being prepared to join in the struggle of the reform of the reform, and all the suffering that would entail as a church musician. I feel i have so much growing to do this year! And i so often fall short of striving for holiness as i ought. If i am to direct music for the church, which is the most integral liturgical ministry, i am supposed to be example of of virtue and striving to embody the Catholic faith. How many prayers i need! May i grow in the virtues of humility, charity, patience, and perseverance to prepare for a life of service to the Church.