LOONG overdue Update!

I know i haven't posted in a while. but it isn't exactly on the top of my priority list, and I know hardly anyone reads it. But for the heck of it, I thought I would update it. As far as liturgical music things go, the women's chant schola I started at St. John's is going well. Tomorrow, I will begin my first attempt at really teach chant theory to others. I am using the "Square Notes Workbook in Gregorian Chant" as my guide. I am eager to give this a try, although it will be a little bit of a crash course, since we will essentially work throught the whole book in just one month (and just 4 meetings). Then the next time we will sing chants for mass will be the Feast of the Annunciation.
Also, starting this week and going through lent, I have been asked to come to Wednesday night masses and help with singing polyphony, just one voice to a part. That is how I like it best, it really makes you accountable for knowing your own part well. I am very glad I will have an outlet to start singing polyphony again! I will really be glad someday to start conducting it more myself, teaching others.

Un-musical news:

For anyone reading this, although I have discerned my vocation now, other things are very much in the air, and I am allowing them to distress me by wanting answers now to things that God does not plan to give me answers to yet. So i need to be more at peace with just where I am at the present moment. The biggest thing is whether I will stay in Chicago after one full year here come July. At the moment, the option is very much open to me to move back to Philadelphia, the area where I went to school. And the possibility is very appealing to me. But I need to just give it time and really listen for what God wants me to do. It is hard, because overall, my time in Chicago so far has been emotionally and spiritually difficult for me. It means I have grown ALOT, I see that I have grown in virtue and maturity and in so many other ways... but I do not if I should remain in such situations for more than a year. The desire to be nearer to my family again, and live with Catholic women i can really pray with, and be in a place that feels more like a home, is very strong. And I need a job that is better suited to my character and talents. I know God placed me where I am present to teach me virtue, but I cannot see myself doing it for more than a year.
But that is just it, who knows! God's plans may be very different from my own, he may WANT me to stay here, and to keep dealing with what I deal with. I don't know. So I just keep praying for patience and to know his answers to my questions and prayers when the time is right. Keep striving to place it all in Our Mother's hands. There is not much else I can do yet. All these decisions will also be partially tied up in the decisions of the young man I think I am called to marry. So that adds a whole other layer of complexity to the situation.

And to end, I ask that the reader say a prayer for me for perseverance, charity, and humility.
I will continue to ask the Lord to make me a saint, no matter how much it hurts at times.

A Vocation to Marriage

That's right. I have discerned that my vocation is marriage. I am at peace with the decision and that God has called me to this vocation, but it will take time getting used to it. This knowledge is confirmed by my spiritual director as well. We had a good laugh at the end of my last meeting with him on Friday, because he told me it didn't surprise me that I came to this conclusion, because he knew from day 1 when I met with him that I was called to marriage! And he didn't tell me! Haha, well, I guess it is one of those things you really do need to discern for yourself, with the guidance of another. The turning point came at the end of the first week of November actually. There is a joy and relief in knowing with conviction what my vocation is, and yet a touch of sadness... Because there are things about religious life that I am attracted to, and God had me look into religious life for 3-4 years, only to find that it is not my calling. Yet i know there are probably many reasons for that: 1) to prepare me spiritually, in virtue, for a right relationship with another person that will be centered in Christ, 2) to deepen my own spiritual life so that I will yearn more for the things of heaven, even when in marriage. to know that marriage is to lead me to sanctity and union with God, 3) i thought at times that i really would become a nun eventually, but struggled with realizing how long it would be before i could enter due to school loans, and no community ever seemed to be the right one, but now the waiting i can view differently: God had me waiting because i was trying to go down the wrong path.

The other wonderful thing is that God has used a young man to make me realize I am called to marriage. I don't know if I will ever marry this man, but my constant prayer is that if it be pleasing to our Lord, to let him be the one. And now I am waiting for a different reason. I do not think my next long waiting, if this man is the one I am to marry, is because i am on the wrong path, but because God still has much work to do in us to prepare us for such a vocation. So I strive to cultivate and patient and joyful waiting, especially during this season of advent. Waiting not only for the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ a second time, but having advent help me to cultivate a joyful hope in the things God has planned for the rest of my life.

Whoever reads this, please say a prayer for me and this young man, for Our Lady to guard us and strengthen our virtue, so that from the very start our relationship, no matter where it leads, will be one that is holy, pure, and guides us closer to the hearts of Jesus and Mary.

It's been a long time...

But it is because I am quite busy now. I have some new and better pictures of my parish though now, as you can see. this picture was taken from the lower choir loft at the closing mass of forty hour's devotion.
I am in two of the choirs as well, as helping out the youth choir quite often for the time being, I have started taking some voice lessons again, and the women's choir has officially been formed. Our first time singing all the propers for a mass will be on the feast of the Immaculate Conception :) It is exciting. I really enjoy conducting chant, and well, conducting in general.
What i really want to share are some recordings from St. John's, but I am still working on figuring out how to get them on here. I have a recording of the communion chant for All Saint's Day by the women's schola, and i have a BEAUTIFUL recording of the solemn vespers in the extraordinary form that we sang tonight for the Marian feast day. It turned out really well for just using my little mp3 player. It is late, so this is all i will say for now, and i will try to get the recordings on here soon.

Still Alive

Wow, it has been a month since I have posted. I admit, blogging is not anywhere near the top of my list of to do's. I am glad that my life is now busier. I have been a bit busy with vocation discernment, and i work all day monday through friday now, and I also waitress two nights a week. I have choir practice Monday nights, and adoration and lectio divina thursday nights. And soon I hope to be having even more to do.
Musically, I am in the initial stages of forming a women's chant schola at my parish, with the approval of the priest in charge of music there. I wrestled for a while about whether to ask to do it, but he thought it was a good idea, and we are starting it slow by building it in the context of the choral women's choir. However, the experience so far has shown this will not work very well. There is just not the time without adding separate rehearsals. So I am praying that I may get a core group committed to break off and have its own rehearsals starting in November, with the approval of the priest of course. I really enjoy studying the chants and working on the chironomy, and I really do love conducting! There is something so satisfying about it for me.
I have schedule my first voice lesson with a teacher in the city as well, but that will only happen about once a month because of the cost. My teacher however, is a choir member of the professional choir at my parish, so she can hopefully prepare me to audition for that same choir eventually. That would help so much!
Spiritually, I am being challenged so much right now. There often does not seem like much joy in my life right now, but I am being purified. It is all part of God's plan. And you know, I have told him that I will to be a saint. So i guess you get what you ask for... that may be the case with my vocation too... but I will not know the definitive answer to THAT for a while I think. The advice and practical applications of my spiritual direction though are helping me very much in my discernment. Words really cannot describe the amazing but difficult path God is leading me on, with the guidance of our Holy Mother Mary. My consecration to her has profoundly changed my life, how I understand vocations... everything.
Well, i think those are enough thoughts for now. I must rest, and rise for a new day tomorrow. May Our Lady guide all Catholics closer to the foot of the Cross to be purified by the sacrifice of Christ.

Making ends meet, and other things

Well, I have a job with a catholic organization, but still I think I will have to work a couple nights a week at a restaurant or something. Not what I would have liked to do, after working all day somewhere else, but otherwise I don't see how I could save money for a plane ticket home in December. Or start paying college loans off at a reasonable pace. (sigh) well, i chose to major in music I guess. As far as music goes, I am not really satisfied with what I have done with that either. I have the strong desire to direct something, even if it's just starting a schola at my parish. I would love the opportunity to try, and gain the experience. At least I am singing in good choirs, so my vocal abilities don't completely regress, since I can't afford voice lessons at the moment. So I just hope musically, there is more I can do, in time.
An exciting thing is that my sister is in Chile again right now! She could use prayers for her own discernment. I am proud that she has taken a leap of faith, which is hard for her to do. May God be with her and the young man she went down there to see. Her and I both seemed to have had God turn our worlds upside down, starting in the same week! It was pretty crazy... but it helps us relate to each other better right now. We both are wishing we knew what the future held, and yet, to know would diminish half the excitement of the hidden will of God. One step at a time...

"Rapid fire" discernment?

Interesting phrase my new spiritual director used to describe how God has been working in my life lately. But it is appropriate. Since January, I had taken a "break", in a sense from actively discerning religious life, and just to sort through everything from my retreat, and I was tired of searching. I didn't know in what direction I was to take the next step. So I waited, and focused on finishing school. and then after college, I waited, and searched for work, and prayed, trying to figure out what was next in my life, now that I had graduated. Where did God want me? was I to stay in VT? Now what about my vocation? And then, since the end of June, everything has happened at such a rapid speed! So much has happened in my life in a span of three months, that I think I'm still trying to digest it all, and as my spiritual director thinks, maybe the rapid developments are not done yet. Why God has chosen to do so much in my life so quickly NOW, I don't know. Hindsight is always better in the spiritual life. There is a good possibility that God is leading me to know with surety my vocation sooner than a year from now. But even if that happens, I know that I will pray for continual indications and signs that I have chosen the right vocation, and take the time to prepare myself for it. I want to know my vocation, and yet, there is still a little nagging fear at times. Spiritual direction was such a relief today. It is very necessary, because I can't trust myself without the counsel, and I shouldn't. I put full trust in Our Lady, that she will not let me stray from the will of God, if I am truly her slave.

The Feast of the Assumption

Today, I will be blessed to attend a solemn vespers, profession of vows, and solemn high mass at the parish of St. John Cantius. The feast has layered meaning for them, as their brothers make professions of varying degrees, and it is also the 10th anniversary of the founding of the Canons Regular of St. John Cantius. It is also Fr. Phillips' 20th anniversary of being at this parish! I do not get to sing in the solemn high mass for this, but I will still very much enjoy internally participating in the music from the pews. I wanted to share the rundown of the music that will be done tonight. I hope to talk to the director after mass, who said he would be interested in auditioning me for the St. Cecilia choir, which is the one that will be singing tonight. There are even recordings of them for sale on the cantius website.
Music:
7:30 pm Latin Mass (Extraordinary Form)
Missa Vidi Speciosam - Tomás Luis de Victoria (1548 – 1611)
Veniens de Libono - Francesco Bianciardi (1572 – 1607)
Assumpta est Maria - Peter Phillips (c. 1560 – 1628)
Te DeumGregorian Chant - St. Cecilia Choir

Benedictus, Op. 59, No. 9 - Max Reger (1873 – 1916)
Prelude on the Introit for the Solemnity of the Assumption - Simone Plé-Caussade (1897 – 1985)
Final: Allegro assai vivace (Organ Sonata in F Minor, Op. 65, No. 1) - Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy (1809 – 1847) Organ Prelude, Processional & Postlude