I actually have a few moments to make a post. I am not so stressed as i was at the beginning of the week. The Lord will give me the strength to deal with everything that he has placed before me if i remain faithful to Him and spend time in quiet with him. My greatest concern to start this semester has been that i won't have the time that i know i need alone with the Lord to grow in my relationship with him and deeper in love with him. So i pray that this concern does not become a reality by my own fault. I embark this semester with deeper thoughts about vocation and a call to search deeper within myself. I am coming ever closer to discovering the calling that God has placed within me of what i am called to be. My retreat in a cloister has provided much food for thought even if it wasn't the most enjoyable experience. I have learned several things. One, i know for sure i am not called to cloistered religious life, if i am called to live in community; two, i believe i have come out with a greater dependence on God, but it will need to be fostered continually by prayer and silence if it is to bear the fruits of humility and greater charity and all other virtues; three, that i had at least partially fallen into the modern trap of thinking of a vocation along the lines of what i am called to do rather than what i am called to be; fourth, this greater understanding of vocation has led me into a whole other level so to speak of my vocational discernment that is at once more complex and at times tiring because i just desire to know where I am called, but at the same time i am driven on for my heart will be restless until it rests in God; fifth, time needs to be taken this last semester to grow to a deeper understanding of my talents and what i do as the fruit of my vocation, and so converse with the Lord as to how the passions and talents that are rooted deep within me are to be part of my vocation or affect it; sixth, I have learned that there is also the Order of Virgins as a way of publicly being consecrated to the Lord but living in the world, which i will look into as well as religious communities; seventh, without community of some sort, of really close friends to share with each other our spiritual journeys, I become lost quite easily. Even if consecrated in the world, i would need at least 1 0r 2 people to share like this with.
And really there is probably much more that i have learned from having taken retreat, which will bear fruit in due time. May i remember to place all in the care of Our Lady.