That's right. I have discerned that my vocation is marriage. I am at peace with the decision and that God has called me to this vocation, but it will take time getting used to it. This knowledge is confirmed by my spiritual director as well. We had a good laugh at the end of my last meeting with him on Friday, because he told me it didn't surprise me that I came to this conclusion, because he knew from day 1 when I met with him that I was called to marriage! And he didn't tell me! Haha, well, I guess it is one of those things you really do need to discern for yourself, with the guidance of another. The turning point came at the end of the first week of November actually. There is a joy and relief in knowing with conviction what my vocation is, and yet a touch of sadness... Because there are things about religious life that I am attracted to, and God had me look into religious life for 3-4 years, only to find that it is not my calling. Yet i know there are probably many reasons for that: 1) to prepare me spiritually, in virtue, for a right relationship with another person that will be centered in Christ, 2) to deepen my own spiritual life so that I will yearn more for the things of heaven, even when in marriage. to know that marriage is to lead me to sanctity and union with God, 3) i thought at times that i really would become a nun eventually, but struggled with realizing how long it would be before i could enter due to school loans, and no community ever seemed to be the right one, but now the waiting i can view differently: God had me waiting because i was trying to go down the wrong path.
The other wonderful thing is that God has used a young man to make me realize I am called to marriage. I don't know if I will ever marry this man, but my constant prayer is that if it be pleasing to our Lord, to let him be the one. And now I am waiting for a different reason. I do not think my next long waiting, if this man is the one I am to marry, is because i am on the wrong path, but because God still has much work to do in us to prepare us for such a vocation. So I strive to cultivate and patient and joyful waiting, especially during this season of advent. Waiting not only for the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ a second time, but having advent help me to cultivate a joyful hope in the things God has planned for the rest of my life.
Whoever reads this, please say a prayer for me and this young man, for Our Lady to guard us and strengthen our virtue, so that from the very start our relationship, no matter where it leads, will be one that is holy, pure, and guides us closer to the hearts of Jesus and Mary.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
It's been a long time...
But it is because I am quite busy now. I have some new and better pictures of my parish though now, as you can see. this picture was taken from the lower choir loft at the closing mass of forty hour's devotion.I am in two of the choirs as well, as helping out the youth choir quite often for the time being, I have started taking some voice lessons again, and the women's choir has officially been formed. Our first time singing all the propers for a mass will be on the feast of the Immaculate Conception :) It is exciting. I really enjoy conducting chant, and well, conducting in general.
What i really want to share are some recordings from St. John's, but I am still working on figuring out how to get them on here. I have a recording of the communion chant for All Saint's Day by the women's schola, and i have a BEAUTIFUL recording of the solemn vespers in the extraordinary form that we sang tonight for the Marian feast day. It turned out really well for just using my little mp3 player. It is late, so this is all i will say for now, and i will try to get the recordings on here soon.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Still Alive
Wow, it has been a month since I have posted. I admit, blogging is not anywhere near the top of my list of to do's. I am glad that my life is now busier. I have been a bit busy with vocation discernment, and i work all day monday through friday now, and I also waitress two nights a week. I have choir practice Monday nights, and adoration and lectio divina thursday nights. And soon I hope to be having even more to do.
Musically, I am in the initial stages of forming a women's chant schola at my parish, with the approval of the priest in charge of music there. I wrestled for a while about whether to ask to do it, but he thought it was a good idea, and we are starting it slow by building it in the context of the choral women's choir. However, the experience so far has shown this will not work very well. There is just not the time without adding separate rehearsals. So I am praying that I may get a core group committed to break off and have its own rehearsals starting in November, with the approval of the priest of course. I really enjoy studying the chants and working on the chironomy, and I really do love conducting! There is something so satisfying about it for me.
I have schedule my first voice lesson with a teacher in the city as well, but that will only happen about once a month because of the cost. My teacher however, is a choir member of the professional choir at my parish, so she can hopefully prepare me to audition for that same choir eventually. That would help so much!
Spiritually, I am being challenged so much right now. There often does not seem like much joy in my life right now, but I am being purified. It is all part of God's plan. And you know, I have told him that I will to be a saint. So i guess you get what you ask for... that may be the case with my vocation too... but I will not know the definitive answer to THAT for a while I think. The advice and practical applications of my spiritual direction though are helping me very much in my discernment. Words really cannot describe the amazing but difficult path God is leading me on, with the guidance of our Holy Mother Mary. My consecration to her has profoundly changed my life, how I understand vocations... everything.
Well, i think those are enough thoughts for now. I must rest, and rise for a new day tomorrow. May Our Lady guide all Catholics closer to the foot of the Cross to be purified by the sacrifice of Christ.
Musically, I am in the initial stages of forming a women's chant schola at my parish, with the approval of the priest in charge of music there. I wrestled for a while about whether to ask to do it, but he thought it was a good idea, and we are starting it slow by building it in the context of the choral women's choir. However, the experience so far has shown this will not work very well. There is just not the time without adding separate rehearsals. So I am praying that I may get a core group committed to break off and have its own rehearsals starting in November, with the approval of the priest of course. I really enjoy studying the chants and working on the chironomy, and I really do love conducting! There is something so satisfying about it for me.
I have schedule my first voice lesson with a teacher in the city as well, but that will only happen about once a month because of the cost. My teacher however, is a choir member of the professional choir at my parish, so she can hopefully prepare me to audition for that same choir eventually. That would help so much!
Spiritually, I am being challenged so much right now. There often does not seem like much joy in my life right now, but I am being purified. It is all part of God's plan. And you know, I have told him that I will to be a saint. So i guess you get what you ask for... that may be the case with my vocation too... but I will not know the definitive answer to THAT for a while I think. The advice and practical applications of my spiritual direction though are helping me very much in my discernment. Words really cannot describe the amazing but difficult path God is leading me on, with the guidance of our Holy Mother Mary. My consecration to her has profoundly changed my life, how I understand vocations... everything.
Well, i think those are enough thoughts for now. I must rest, and rise for a new day tomorrow. May Our Lady guide all Catholics closer to the foot of the Cross to be purified by the sacrifice of Christ.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Making ends meet, and other things
Well, I have a job with a catholic organization, but still I think I will have to work a couple nights a week at a restaurant or something. Not what I would have liked to do, after working all day somewhere else, but otherwise I don't see how I could save money for a plane ticket home in December. Or start paying college loans off at a reasonable pace. (sigh) well, i chose to major in music I guess. As far as music goes, I am not really satisfied with what I have done with that either. I have the strong desire to direct something, even if it's just starting a schola at my parish. I would love the opportunity to try, and gain the experience. At least I am singing in good choirs, so my vocal abilities don't completely regress, since I can't afford voice lessons at the moment. So I just hope musically, there is more I can do, in time.
An exciting thing is that my sister is in Chile again right now! She could use prayers for her own discernment. I am proud that she has taken a leap of faith, which is hard for her to do. May God be with her and the young man she went down there to see. Her and I both seemed to have had God turn our worlds upside down, starting in the same week! It was pretty crazy... but it helps us relate to each other better right now. We both are wishing we knew what the future held, and yet, to know would diminish half the excitement of the hidden will of God. One step at a time...
An exciting thing is that my sister is in Chile again right now! She could use prayers for her own discernment. I am proud that she has taken a leap of faith, which is hard for her to do. May God be with her and the young man she went down there to see. Her and I both seemed to have had God turn our worlds upside down, starting in the same week! It was pretty crazy... but it helps us relate to each other better right now. We both are wishing we knew what the future held, and yet, to know would diminish half the excitement of the hidden will of God. One step at a time...
Sunday, August 31, 2008
"Rapid fire" discernment?
Interesting phrase my new spiritual director used to describe how God has been working in my life lately. But it is appropriate. Since January, I had taken a "break", in a sense from actively discerning religious life, and just to sort through everything from my retreat, and I was tired of searching. I didn't know in what direction I was to take the next step. So I waited, and focused on finishing school. and then after college, I waited, and searched for work, and prayed, trying to figure out what was next in my life, now that I had graduated. Where did God want me? was I to stay in VT? Now what about my vocation? And then, since the end of June, everything has happened at such a rapid speed! So much has happened in my life in a span of three months, that I think I'm still trying to digest it all, and as my spiritual director thinks, maybe the rapid developments are not done yet. Why God has chosen to do so much in my life so quickly NOW, I don't know. Hindsight is always better in the spiritual life. There is a good possibility that God is leading me to know with surety my vocation sooner than a year from now. But even if that happens, I know that I will pray for continual indications and signs that I have chosen the right vocation, and take the time to prepare myself for it. I want to know my vocation, and yet, there is still a little nagging fear at times. Spiritual direction was such a relief today. It is very necessary, because I can't trust myself without the counsel, and I shouldn't. I put full trust in Our Lady, that she will not let me stray from the will of God, if I am truly her slave.
Friday, August 15, 2008
The Feast of the Assumption
Today, I will be blessed to attend a solemn vespers, profession of vows, and solemn high mass at the parish of St. John Cantius. The feast has layered meaning for them, as their brothers make professions of varying degrees, and it is also the 10th anniversary of the founding of the Canons Regular of St. John Cantius. It is also Fr. Phillips' 20th anniversary of being at this parish! I do not get to sing in the solemn high mass for this, but I will still very much enjoy internally participating in the music from the pews. I wanted to share the rundown of the music that will be done tonight. I hope to talk to the director after mass, who said he would be interested in auditioning me for the St. Cecilia choir, which is the one that will be singing tonight. There are even recordings of them for sale on the cantius website.
Music:
7:30 pm Latin Mass (Extraordinary Form)
Missa Vidi Speciosam - Tomás Luis de Victoria (1548 – 1611)
Veniens de Libono - Francesco Bianciardi (1572 – 1607)
Assumpta est Maria - Peter Phillips (c. 1560 – 1628)
Te DeumGregorian Chant - St. Cecilia Choir
Benedictus, Op. 59, No. 9 - Max Reger (1873 – 1916)
Prelude on the Introit for the Solemnity of the Assumption - Simone Plé-Caussade (1897 – 1985)
Final: Allegro assai vivace (Organ Sonata in F Minor, Op. 65, No. 1) - Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy (1809 – 1847) Organ Prelude, Processional & Postlude
Music:
7:30 pm Latin Mass (Extraordinary Form)
Missa Vidi Speciosam - Tomás Luis de Victoria (1548 – 1611)
Veniens de Libono - Francesco Bianciardi (1572 – 1607)
Assumpta est Maria - Peter Phillips (c. 1560 – 1628)
Te DeumGregorian Chant - St. Cecilia Choir
Benedictus, Op. 59, No. 9 - Max Reger (1873 – 1916)
Prelude on the Introit for the Solemnity of the Assumption - Simone Plé-Caussade (1897 – 1985)
Final: Allegro assai vivace (Organ Sonata in F Minor, Op. 65, No. 1) - Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy (1809 – 1847) Organ Prelude, Processional & Postlude
Thursday, August 7, 2008
SPEECHLESS
This is probably one of the most amazing things I have ever come across. I have never seen or heard such a thing in all my life:
http://web.mac.com/gregorypeebles/Site/Welcome.html
There really is nothing that could accurately describe my reaction.
http://web.mac.com/gregorypeebles/Site/Welcome.html
There really is nothing that could accurately describe my reaction.
My future as a church musician?
I'm at one of those crossroads in life. maybe there is a better term for such a thing. It is more like one of those times when you aren't sure which direction is up or down or where the light is to guide you, yet you know it is still there. Christ is always there guiding, maybe I am just really starting to learn to take one day at a time, so it seems like I'm in a sort of darkness.
I feel like my musical development is at a standstill. I really haven't done much of anything with music since I graduate from college in May, and especially since the music colloquium in June. I don't even realize sometimes how much I miss singing and how much joy it can give me until I start singing with a group again. The focus right now just seems to be on other things. I am so preoccupied with finding a job, since a job as a church music right now is an impossibility and maybe will never become a reality, at least not as a full time job. I don't even think I would want it as a full time job. I don't know really what my role in church music is supposed to be at this moment. I'm too busy thinking about where I am going to work so I can pay bills and start paying off college loans, and now vocation discernment has been brought to the forefront again and will be at least for the next year. I really am ready to know my vocation now, I need a definite direction to work towards. but again, back to music. I'm getting involved in an already established parish music program in Chicago, by far the best in the city, but I don't know if there's anything else I should do. Maybe it is just too soon to tell yet, since I just moved here two weeks ago. It will be wonderful to sing polyphony again, but one of my desires in church music is for once to actually get to sing chant for mass on a fairly regular basis. Why is it everywhere I end up, women don't do any of the chanting? What is the point of the CMAA teaching women to chant if men only do it in some of the best church music programs? I can find it aggravating. I don't want to take chanting away from men at all, but why can't we have something like what we heard at the colloquium in such a well established music program. Surely there are women in the parish who really would love to chant. And why not? Also, as a church musician who may direct music someday, how am I ever supposed to direct a group to sing chant, be it men or women, if I have never gotten much of a chance to sing it with a group myself? I have the desire of possibly being the one to start such a women's schola, but question my ability to do so.
I just wonder i guess: am I skilled enough, really, to lead a music program in any way? And yet i know the only way to get that skill is to dive into it. You have to get your feet wet and learn from your mistakes as you go. But I guess it just seems like now is not the time. I thought maybe it was before June, but now the focus has shifted. Vocation discernment is more important, because that concerns what God is calling me to BE.
I feel like my musical development is at a standstill. I really haven't done much of anything with music since I graduate from college in May, and especially since the music colloquium in June. I don't even realize sometimes how much I miss singing and how much joy it can give me until I start singing with a group again. The focus right now just seems to be on other things. I am so preoccupied with finding a job, since a job as a church music right now is an impossibility and maybe will never become a reality, at least not as a full time job. I don't even think I would want it as a full time job. I don't know really what my role in church music is supposed to be at this moment. I'm too busy thinking about where I am going to work so I can pay bills and start paying off college loans, and now vocation discernment has been brought to the forefront again and will be at least for the next year. I really am ready to know my vocation now, I need a definite direction to work towards. but again, back to music. I'm getting involved in an already established parish music program in Chicago, by far the best in the city, but I don't know if there's anything else I should do. Maybe it is just too soon to tell yet, since I just moved here two weeks ago. It will be wonderful to sing polyphony again, but one of my desires in church music is for once to actually get to sing chant for mass on a fairly regular basis. Why is it everywhere I end up, women don't do any of the chanting? What is the point of the CMAA teaching women to chant if men only do it in some of the best church music programs? I can find it aggravating. I don't want to take chanting away from men at all, but why can't we have something like what we heard at the colloquium in such a well established music program. Surely there are women in the parish who really would love to chant. And why not? Also, as a church musician who may direct music someday, how am I ever supposed to direct a group to sing chant, be it men or women, if I have never gotten much of a chance to sing it with a group myself? I have the desire of possibly being the one to start such a women's schola, but question my ability to do so.
I just wonder i guess: am I skilled enough, really, to lead a music program in any way? And yet i know the only way to get that skill is to dive into it. You have to get your feet wet and learn from your mistakes as you go. But I guess it just seems like now is not the time. I thought maybe it was before June, but now the focus has shifted. Vocation discernment is more important, because that concerns what God is calling me to BE.
The Joy of Mater Ecclesiae
Although I am now at a parish with beautiful and amazing liturgy, I have found that there are still things I have experienced in the Latin Mass that I miss very much and have not experienced elsewhere. That is why I still miss Mater Ecclesiae at times. I miss the bold congregational singing of the chant mass settings, especially the creed. Even when we would sing a polyphonic mass setting, the creed was always for the people to chant. And they would raise the roof! Especially at "et unam, sanctam, catholicam, et apostolicam ecclesiam". that always was a powerful and beautiful moment. I miss Karl's bold organ music after the gospel. I miss the clear chanting of the texts by Fr. Pasley. Never have I heard better priest chanting anywhere. Not because there are not priests out there with better quality of voice (but even those are few), but because Father combines beauty with clarity and appropriate speed. You can truly understand his Latin and he often sounds like he could be as fluent speaking in Latin as he is in English because the sentence flow is so often spot on! Kudos to Fr. Pasley. I also think it is important if at all possible for the congregation to have books of music. Even if they can't read notation (supposedly), you would be surprised how many start to understand chant notation because it is simple enough to start picking up on it. It helps them to really learn the mass settings. Those music books should also have hymns I think. Although hymns are not to be the primary music, there is nothing more joyful to me than hearing a congregation raise the roof with a devotional hymn at the end of Mass. I would feel a deep sense of loss if we did not have such hymns as "The Strife is O'er", "This Joyful Eastertide", "On Jordan's bank", "Let all Mortal Flesh Keep Silence", and so many more. They give a cultural voice to our faith when appropriate. I have never been a member of a more joyful, faith-filled congregation than that of Mater Ecclesiae Catholic Church. There is such an earnestness about the faith there, and a love of participation in the mass, both internally and externally. I miss hearing a congregation really sing, and I mean REALLY SING. It has provided some of the most beautiful and moving moments in my worship of God in the Mass.
God Bless Mater Ecclesiae and their parish priest. May he grant them continued spiritual growth and many years more to worship God together. May their love for the faith reach much farther in the lives of others than they may ever know.
God Bless Mater Ecclesiae and their parish priest. May he grant them continued spiritual growth and many years more to worship God together. May their love for the faith reach much farther in the lives of others than they may ever know.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
In Chicago!
My access to internet is somewhat limited and things were crazy this weekend, but I can say I am now living in Chicago! I arrived last Friday and I am now settled in. I have still been applying for jobs and had an interview yesterday that went well, but I am still looking for other possibilities. It can be kind of a downer to not be working because there is not much to do and you don't feel very useful. My roommate will be leaving for Medjugorie tomorrow as well, so I will be alone in our apartment for 10 days, and I just moved here! I have a choir audition today at St. John Cantius and getting involved there soon will help. Say a prayer that I find a job, and also, for my vocation. That is a priority this year. I really sense that I am supposed to know with certainty by the end of the year. In a sense I BEG God to know. but, i will also accept whatever his will is. Holy Mary, guide me in all things...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The BIG MOVE
Well, it is confirmed. I'm actually doing it! I am moving to Chicago a week from today! I will leave July 24th. I have an apartment with another Catholic woman ready for us, and my mom and my sister are actually going to drive down with me to help bring all my stuff! what a weekend that will be! I could use prayers for a job though, since I am still working on that. God will provide though, even when I struggle with trusting him at times. I almost wasn't sure moving to Chicago was going to work out. Things were starting to become last minute! I only found out today that we have an apartment now. So i have one week to pack! (and Fr Ben thought he had it bad.) I will be living on the edge of the city in the Northwest area known as Edison Park. This is such a big thing for me, it is kind of bewildering. I am moving halfway across the country! Who would have thought. God does crazy things in our lives when we let him... I know getting a job is important, but it is just as important to me when I get down there to find a spiritual director! I desperately am in need of some guidance right now in discerning my vocation. I try not to be anxious by placing myself in the hands of Our Lady. I can't wait to try to get involved in the music at St. John Cantius! I will be so excited to sing polyphony and chant again. I don't know if I will be able to take voice lessons or organ lessons again soon. I doubt it. I want to eventually, but I will have to wait on that.
Well, lots to get ready in a week...
Well, lots to get ready in a week...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Moving to Chicago!
Well, despite details still being worked out, I should be moving to Chicago soon! It is exciting, and I truly trust the Lord will provide the way for me to get there. I have been more sure of this being God's will than most things in my life, so I just keep trying to leave it all in His hands and not doubt. My housing situation is a little unsettled at the moment, but I will be talking to a woman tonight about it, and it's a very good possibility. Through our Lady , God will provide for what I need. I could still use some prayers for patience in the area of vocation discernment. That is part of the reason for going to Chicago - vocation discernment - so it is hard not to get anxious when I sense I will soon know for sure what my vocation is. I hope in Chicago to be involved in music at St. John Cantius as well. We'll see though, God may have a different plan for my gift of music.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Say a prayer for me
I could really use prayers for discernment of God's will right now, and that whatever he wills, he will make possible. Please especially offer the prayers through the hands of Our Lady. Thanks.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
God's Providence?
I'm stuck in Chicago till Tuesday. Which I actually found kind of humorous and not at all stressful because I really don't have anything that pressing to go home to. I can't help but feel that this is God's providence, so that maybe I can talk to the Sullivan's tomorrow night in person about the apartment situation and I will look online tomorrow for jobs in Chicago. I literally am taking it one day at a time at this point, so that is good. Whoever knows me that reads this, say a prayer for me concerning vocation discernment and this idea of moving to Chicago. I could use it!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Sacred Music Colloquium 2008
W ell, I am currently still in the suburbs of Chicago near Loyola University, with just 1 1/2 days left of the colloquium! It will be hard to leave on Sunday. It is musical heaven for a Catholic Church musician and the facilities were so much better this year. I wish I never miss a colloquium for many years. However, I have no idea what is in store for me even as I head back home. While I have been here, I have had some very unexpected things happen concerning vocation discernment, that have thrown me for a loop. God seems to enjoy doing that to me. I'm starting to not mind it too much. I'm learning to trust more and not stress about not knowing the answers to things at the moment, and trying to live day by day. And during everything that has happened this week, it doesn't really cause any stress or terrible confusion. If God wills something in the future, it will happen.
Also, over this past week, I seem to have a growing sense that I won't stay in Vermont. For both vocational and practical reasons as a musician. I am not 100% positive though. It depends if God miraculously helps me to get a good job within the next two weeks or not. I just don't want to sit around in VT waiting. As much as a I love my family here, and would like to help the Catholic church in Vermont through my gift of music, it just may not be possible.
Well, it is late, and I have much singing to do tomorrow. They really pack our days full. I will enjoy the last full day of the colloquium, I'm sure, even though someone I've come to care about won't be there.
Also, over this past week, I seem to have a growing sense that I won't stay in Vermont. For both vocational and practical reasons as a musician. I am not 100% positive though. It depends if God miraculously helps me to get a good job within the next two weeks or not. I just don't want to sit around in VT waiting. As much as a I love my family here, and would like to help the Catholic church in Vermont through my gift of music, it just may not be possible.
Well, it is late, and I have much singing to do tomorrow. They really pack our days full. I will enjoy the last full day of the colloquium, I'm sure, even though someone I've come to care about won't be there.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
At Home
I have been able to settle back in at home recently only to feel like my life is in another state of upheaval. The parish priest here at home, who is absolutely wonderful and a lover of tradition, is being moved again. This has left me deeply saddened and even more confused about where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. I truly could use many prayers right now. I don't know what our new priest will be like, but there are hardly any in VT that are all that fond of tradition. I don't have a job yet, and I don't have a clue what this new priest will be like, so I have no idea if I am supposed to stick around to do music. I already at times miss the latin mass very much, I don't know how much that is supposed to be a part of my life. I feel like a fish out of water at times at mass here, and I am afraid that if I stay, I'll lose much of what I learned. and yet something tugs at me about trying to stay here. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do and that is causing me as much distress as losing our beloved priest. Please pray for me. I really could use spiritual direction right now, but there is no priest to get it from at the moment. I know when it is all said and done, I'll look back and feel like I've learned much at this point in time in my life, but I still don't do well with having no clue what to do with my life, since for many years I tried to plan it out for myself. I'm hurting and I'm stressed, and much of it most likely is to teach me to trust more in God, but it doesn't mean I have to like it or that it shouldn't hurt.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
GRADUATION DAY!
It's the big day today, I'll be heading out to graduate in less than two hours! I am excited to graduate and feel like I'm ready. It's definitely time for something new. Even though I'm not sure where that new path is, I'm doing my best to trust that the Lord will make that clear when it is time. I pray that he will close the doors that do not lead to His will and open the ones that do.
I will certainly miss people and activities down here, but maybe I'll be back to the Philly area someday. It has become like home here. The other thing is, it is amazing how you accumulate in your room for just one year! My family and I are going to have a heck of a time getting it all home! However, there's really not much I can get rid of. the bulk of my stuff is clothes, music that I've gathered (esp. in this last year) and books.
I'll be tired after this morning, I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep all week, so I'm hoping I'll get a chance to take a short nap once we get to the hotel later this afternoon. Then I'll be a nervous wreck tomorrow, since I am conducting a whole polyphonic mass for the first time! yikes! I'm excited about it though. That is something I will deeply miss down here: my parish, Mater Ecclesiae... but it is time to move on.
I thank God for all the wonderful blessings he has put in my life, he gives me so much more than I deserve.
I will certainly miss people and activities down here, but maybe I'll be back to the Philly area someday. It has become like home here. The other thing is, it is amazing how you accumulate in your room for just one year! My family and I are going to have a heck of a time getting it all home! However, there's really not much I can get rid of. the bulk of my stuff is clothes, music that I've gathered (esp. in this last year) and books.
I'll be tired after this morning, I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep all week, so I'm hoping I'll get a chance to take a short nap once we get to the hotel later this afternoon. Then I'll be a nervous wreck tomorrow, since I am conducting a whole polyphonic mass for the first time! yikes! I'm excited about it though. That is something I will deeply miss down here: my parish, Mater Ecclesiae... but it is time to move on.
I thank God for all the wonderful blessings he has put in my life, he gives me so much more than I deserve.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Graduation
I could use a few prayers. Things are emotional and confusing this week! I graduate from college, and head home, but not having luck with finding decent work... so I am having doubts about where I am supposed to be... trying to make sure I listen to God's will for me and not plan out my life myself... So many thoughts, ideas, and emotions going on! I could use a prayer from anyone reading, to the Holy Spirit for discernment during this Novena time before Pentecost.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Luck be a Lady
I finally get to share a video of me swing dancing! This was from Saturday night, April 26, 2008. I am so excited to have a video of Alex and I swing dancing! We are the two that the camera is mostly focused on (yellow shirt and striped dress). I am really going to miss swing dancing in the Philly area...
Friday, April 25, 2008
Faure's Requiem
Well, I got to hear Faure's Requiem mass for the first time tonight. And guess where I heard it? The spring music festival at my Protestant University. Go figure. It definitely is one of the most beautiful settings. I have heard of Catholic Churches last year on All Soul's day who sang this setting for the mass. I am not sure though how they would do that since, the Sanctus is missing the last half of the text, and the Agnus Dei is followed immediately by the communion chant. I'll have to ask some other musicians how they handle that. The only thing that would have made it more complete tonight was if the men in the university choir sang the Dies Irae " :-)
I would like to point out that doing the actual chants of the requiem mass, or a choral setting of them on All Soul's Day, is a wonderful way to introduce people to a more solemn funeral mass. I do not doubt that most people would be deeply moved by its beauty and start to ask why such music is not done regularly for funeral masses. The chants for a requiem mass are certainly known for being some of the most beautiful in the Gregorian repertoire. Just pointing out that this is something I hope as a musician, to do someday. Feasts like All Souls, Corpus Christi, Candlemas, etc. are wonderful opportunities to reestablish liturgical and musical traditions and expose the faithful to their beauty in a non-coercive way.
As a side note, I do have other interests besides liturgy and its music ;-)
I am so excited for tomorrow night! I will be going to the grand reopening of the Sunnybrook Ballroom in Pottstown PA for an awesome night of swing dancing and socializing. I plan to take pictures and maybe I will post some here.
I would like to point out that doing the actual chants of the requiem mass, or a choral setting of them on All Soul's Day, is a wonderful way to introduce people to a more solemn funeral mass. I do not doubt that most people would be deeply moved by its beauty and start to ask why such music is not done regularly for funeral masses. The chants for a requiem mass are certainly known for being some of the most beautiful in the Gregorian repertoire. Just pointing out that this is something I hope as a musician, to do someday. Feasts like All Souls, Corpus Christi, Candlemas, etc. are wonderful opportunities to reestablish liturgical and musical traditions and expose the faithful to their beauty in a non-coercive way.
As a side note, I do have other interests besides liturgy and its music ;-)
I am so excited for tomorrow night! I will be going to the grand reopening of the Sunnybrook Ballroom in Pottstown PA for an awesome night of swing dancing and socializing. I plan to take pictures and maybe I will post some here.
Friday, April 18, 2008
The Pope's Visit
I know there are already so many postings all over the internet about the Pope's visit to the U.S., but I just wanted to share my own thoughts.
It truly is a grace to have him here in our country, no matter how the liturgies turn out or what anyone else does, etc. I am not saying that such things do not matter, but there is still much joy in just having the Holy Father here with us. I have been praying for him. May his presence as the voice of Christ on Earth instill greater hope in Christians and draw all people to Christ.
On specifics, I was able to watch the last half of the papal mass at Nationals Park, and I truly felt sorry that the Holy Father had to endure the performance style, self-focused, overly-multicultural display of music that happened. He did not look very pleased or comfortable at times. However, EWTN made it quite amusing with its witty and forthright comments about the music being completely unsuitable considering all the Holy Father has written about concerning liturgy and music. Rather than doing great harm, I firmly hope that the mass live on EWTN with such comments will be a turning point in liturgy for the church. I think it will end up being helpful to the new liturgical movement in the long run, and I am glad the Holy Father got to see the state of much of the liturgical life of the church up close and personal! I pray that it prompts him to shepherd with even greater clarity and firmness against liturgical abuse.
From what I have heard, I am glad I didn't hear the responsorial psalm. I was a little surpised at the lack of modest dress of a couple of the women bringing gifts up to the Holy Father for the offertory as well. If there's a dress code even at St. Peter's in Rome, why shouldn't one be enforced at papal masses for those who will visibly be part of the ceremonies? The women's dresses were visibily well above knee length, which I just find inappropriate, ESPECIALLY on such an occasion as a papal liturgy! I am not blaming these women, they probably don't even consider it immodest in our culture, but I would have thought those in charge of the ceremonies would make sure all involved understand appropriate dress and posture. Which brings me to my next point: I know they were all carrying gifts to the Holy Father, but is it not customary to genuflect/kneel before the Holy Father and kiss his ring, as the tenor did after singing Panis Angelicus? This might not be the case during the offertory, I'm not sure. I would gladly appreciate it if someone knows the custom concerning this. It just seemed odd to me they wouldn't at least kiss his ring. Also, if women having a private audience with the Pope are still required to veil their heads (which from what I've heard, they are), then why wouldn't they veil their heads if they are involved in the ceremonies of a Papal mass? Seems inconsistent to me.
Besides the music, the altar setup was nice, and the sanctuary area did not turn out to be as awful as I thought it would be from a computer image I had seen of the plans before he came. The rest of the liturgy seemed quite nice (the last half anyway), except for maybe all the people recieving communion in the hand from the Pope himself, of all people!
I also listened to the address to the UN today, which was good. As always, words of wisdom from our Holy Father. It was received very well by the UN, with a standing ovation. I look forward to watching the mass with clergy and the meeting with youth tomorrow, as well as the Mass at Yankee Stadium on Sunday. These liturgical functions promise to be more in continuity with directives from Rome. I'm glad that these celebrations will end the Holy Father's visit.
I also think I am rather glad that I am watching it on EWTN rather than being there myself. I would never get to see him so close up in person attending mass in a stadium as I can on EWTN. I like being able to get the "better view" of everything going on. Maybe I will still get the chance to see Pope Benedict XVI up close before he dies. It would be such an honor! Ad Multos Annos, Papa Benedict!
It truly is a grace to have him here in our country, no matter how the liturgies turn out or what anyone else does, etc. I am not saying that such things do not matter, but there is still much joy in just having the Holy Father here with us. I have been praying for him. May his presence as the voice of Christ on Earth instill greater hope in Christians and draw all people to Christ.
On specifics, I was able to watch the last half of the papal mass at Nationals Park, and I truly felt sorry that the Holy Father had to endure the performance style, self-focused, overly-multicultural display of music that happened. He did not look very pleased or comfortable at times. However, EWTN made it quite amusing with its witty and forthright comments about the music being completely unsuitable considering all the Holy Father has written about concerning liturgy and music. Rather than doing great harm, I firmly hope that the mass live on EWTN with such comments will be a turning point in liturgy for the church. I think it will end up being helpful to the new liturgical movement in the long run, and I am glad the Holy Father got to see the state of much of the liturgical life of the church up close and personal! I pray that it prompts him to shepherd with even greater clarity and firmness against liturgical abuse.
From what I have heard, I am glad I didn't hear the responsorial psalm. I was a little surpised at the lack of modest dress of a couple of the women bringing gifts up to the Holy Father for the offertory as well. If there's a dress code even at St. Peter's in Rome, why shouldn't one be enforced at papal masses for those who will visibly be part of the ceremonies? The women's dresses were visibily well above knee length, which I just find inappropriate, ESPECIALLY on such an occasion as a papal liturgy! I am not blaming these women, they probably don't even consider it immodest in our culture, but I would have thought those in charge of the ceremonies would make sure all involved understand appropriate dress and posture. Which brings me to my next point: I know they were all carrying gifts to the Holy Father, but is it not customary to genuflect/kneel before the Holy Father and kiss his ring, as the tenor did after singing Panis Angelicus? This might not be the case during the offertory, I'm not sure. I would gladly appreciate it if someone knows the custom concerning this. It just seemed odd to me they wouldn't at least kiss his ring. Also, if women having a private audience with the Pope are still required to veil their heads (which from what I've heard, they are), then why wouldn't they veil their heads if they are involved in the ceremonies of a Papal mass? Seems inconsistent to me.
Besides the music, the altar setup was nice, and the sanctuary area did not turn out to be as awful as I thought it would be from a computer image I had seen of the plans before he came. The rest of the liturgy seemed quite nice (the last half anyway), except for maybe all the people recieving communion in the hand from the Pope himself, of all people!
I also listened to the address to the UN today, which was good. As always, words of wisdom from our Holy Father. It was received very well by the UN, with a standing ovation. I look forward to watching the mass with clergy and the meeting with youth tomorrow, as well as the Mass at Yankee Stadium on Sunday. These liturgical functions promise to be more in continuity with directives from Rome. I'm glad that these celebrations will end the Holy Father's visit.
I also think I am rather glad that I am watching it on EWTN rather than being there myself. I would never get to see him so close up in person attending mass in a stadium as I can on EWTN. I like being able to get the "better view" of everything going on. Maybe I will still get the chance to see Pope Benedict XVI up close before he dies. It would be such an honor! Ad Multos Annos, Papa Benedict!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
St. John the Baptist Catholic Church
Here is the church my previous post was about, situated in Manayunk, PA a suburb of Philadelphia. I wish I had been able to take more pictures, but the priest turned all the lights out in the church before I could. If I get the chance, I'll go back there sometime when it's sunny to get more pictures before the semester is over.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I keep asking: WHY?!
There is a church in the Philly suburbs that I could see from the highway every time I went by with a huge steeple, and made me curious to go down into the town and check it out. I thought, it has to be a Catholic Church, since I could also see other church buildings next to, so it must be a school and rectory and convent. Sure enough I was right, but the church was locked that Sunday afternoon, so I found out on the internet that the parish has a choir and wed. night rehearsals, so i went to observe the choir as part of an assignment for one of my classes.
The beauty of this church almost floored me! The only church in Philadelphia that I have seen that is more beautiful is the Cathedral, but this one comes pretty close! And it's huge! It has tertiarys(?), I think that is what their called. Basically 3rd level balcony seating. the choir loft is the second level. And a huge organ with four manuals! (When I go again and take pictures, I'll post them here).
I write about this though because the more I learned about this parish, the more sad the story becomes. Here's the basics: The church has been there 175 years. was rebuilt right before 1900. Was THE Catholic Church in the area. Had an elementary school, a High school for girls and a High school for boys. There's an old cemetary as well. It had a thriving convent (to teach all the kids, as usual), a three story rectory for 12 priests! And they even had a house right across the street from the church for the music director! Then Vatican II came. They were the last parish in the archdiocese to dismantle their boy's choir, the last parish to do away with the Latin Mass, and the last parish to pull it's high altar away from the wall. Thank God they never destroyed the decoration on the inside though! The organ they have is their second one. The first one was probably smaller. The one they have now though was almost destroyed. In the 70's the poor ignorant people allowed a Catholic organist to "fix" the organ. Instead, he purposefully destroyed it, and then left! Even more appalling is the fact that this man is still an organist at a church in the diocese! One of the balconies is full of old organ pipes, many of which are too damaged from the doings of this man to ever be used again! It was enough to literally turn my stomach. Present state of the parish life: There are two priests left, church can no longer afford (or unwilling to pay) a full time music director, the convent closed two years ago, and all the schools closed last year.
This story and several others like it that I have heard continues to make me ask the question: WHY??!?!? Why would God allow such a thing to happen to his people? When will the destruction be over? I am afraid to know what the state of this parish will be 20 years from now, if a mediocre Catholicism and mediocre liturgy continues to be taught and promoted. Especially in places like this! From what I hear, many of the parishioners still love tradition, and such a parish as this I do not doubt would have a strong following for a Latin mass either in the EF or the OF of the mass. It wrenches my heart to see the destruction that implementations of Vatican II have caused! I know the council documents were interpreted wrongly, but that isn't even so much my point. Places like this make me ask: why did they even think a renewal was needed on the scale that they proposed?? I'm inclined to want to agree with more traditionalist folk that the council was basically high jacked by liberal bishops in Europe, and the documents purposely written in a vague style to allow all this to happen! I could understand the desire to encourage priests to continually catechize the laity on the meaning of the mass and helping them to renew their involvement in it, especially interior participation, but so many external changes were unnecessary! Who will be responsible for all the souls lost in this time, who felt like their faith abandoned them, rather than the other way around? We have ended up with a slow death of the church, rather than a renewal! and I can't help but feel that to some degree that was the whole goal by those in charge of liturgy and doctrine.
Seeing the potent reality of such destruction in this church in Philadelphia, literally made me weep as I drove home. I want to be angry at God for allowing such a spiritual death among his people to happen, but I can't seem to be. It just makes me weep for the church and say some of the most honest prayers I have ever prayed in my life, for the renewal of the church. Instead of anger, the Lord fills me with a desire to aid/serve the church, knowing that liturgy, and so also music, renewal is so crucial to the life of the faithful. It was once the heart of their whole lives and from it grew a culture of faith that spread into the world and affected many other things during their week. They didn't just come together on Sunday for mass, but their strong belief that the mass gave witness to fueled the building of a culture of faith that gave witness to the rest of secular society.
I know I will suffer much in the normal parish setting, struggling to help revive the parish liturgy and life, but I can't ignore the call in my heart to involve myself in it. May God give me strength and never let my hope be extinguished.
The beauty of this church almost floored me! The only church in Philadelphia that I have seen that is more beautiful is the Cathedral, but this one comes pretty close! And it's huge! It has tertiarys(?), I think that is what their called. Basically 3rd level balcony seating. the choir loft is the second level. And a huge organ with four manuals! (When I go again and take pictures, I'll post them here).
I write about this though because the more I learned about this parish, the more sad the story becomes. Here's the basics: The church has been there 175 years. was rebuilt right before 1900. Was THE Catholic Church in the area. Had an elementary school, a High school for girls and a High school for boys. There's an old cemetary as well. It had a thriving convent (to teach all the kids, as usual), a three story rectory for 12 priests! And they even had a house right across the street from the church for the music director! Then Vatican II came. They were the last parish in the archdiocese to dismantle their boy's choir, the last parish to do away with the Latin Mass, and the last parish to pull it's high altar away from the wall. Thank God they never destroyed the decoration on the inside though! The organ they have is their second one. The first one was probably smaller. The one they have now though was almost destroyed. In the 70's the poor ignorant people allowed a Catholic organist to "fix" the organ. Instead, he purposefully destroyed it, and then left! Even more appalling is the fact that this man is still an organist at a church in the diocese! One of the balconies is full of old organ pipes, many of which are too damaged from the doings of this man to ever be used again! It was enough to literally turn my stomach. Present state of the parish life: There are two priests left, church can no longer afford (or unwilling to pay) a full time music director, the convent closed two years ago, and all the schools closed last year.
This story and several others like it that I have heard continues to make me ask the question: WHY??!?!? Why would God allow such a thing to happen to his people? When will the destruction be over? I am afraid to know what the state of this parish will be 20 years from now, if a mediocre Catholicism and mediocre liturgy continues to be taught and promoted. Especially in places like this! From what I hear, many of the parishioners still love tradition, and such a parish as this I do not doubt would have a strong following for a Latin mass either in the EF or the OF of the mass. It wrenches my heart to see the destruction that implementations of Vatican II have caused! I know the council documents were interpreted wrongly, but that isn't even so much my point. Places like this make me ask: why did they even think a renewal was needed on the scale that they proposed?? I'm inclined to want to agree with more traditionalist folk that the council was basically high jacked by liberal bishops in Europe, and the documents purposely written in a vague style to allow all this to happen! I could understand the desire to encourage priests to continually catechize the laity on the meaning of the mass and helping them to renew their involvement in it, especially interior participation, but so many external changes were unnecessary! Who will be responsible for all the souls lost in this time, who felt like their faith abandoned them, rather than the other way around? We have ended up with a slow death of the church, rather than a renewal! and I can't help but feel that to some degree that was the whole goal by those in charge of liturgy and doctrine.
Seeing the potent reality of such destruction in this church in Philadelphia, literally made me weep as I drove home. I want to be angry at God for allowing such a spiritual death among his people to happen, but I can't seem to be. It just makes me weep for the church and say some of the most honest prayers I have ever prayed in my life, for the renewal of the church. Instead of anger, the Lord fills me with a desire to aid/serve the church, knowing that liturgy, and so also music, renewal is so crucial to the life of the faithful. It was once the heart of their whole lives and from it grew a culture of faith that spread into the world and affected many other things during their week. They didn't just come together on Sunday for mass, but their strong belief that the mass gave witness to fueled the building of a culture of faith that gave witness to the rest of secular society.
I know I will suffer much in the normal parish setting, struggling to help revive the parish liturgy and life, but I can't ignore the call in my heart to involve myself in it. May God give me strength and never let my hope be extinguished.
Been awhile
I know it's been quite a long time since I last posted, but that probably doesn't matter too much, I know hardly anyone ever looks at this blog. But I plan to put up a lengthier post within the next couple days.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
A little musical humor
Leave it to church musicians to come up with something like this.
Hope you enjoy it!
I wish I could have you hear what was done at the CMAA's music colloquium last year, it was just as good as this, if not better. Using fauxbourdon and gregorian chant, a psalm was sung with a touch of humor like this: verse (chant): You have called me and you know me, you know when I sit and when I stand, You understand my thoughts from afar; Refrain (fauxbourdon): "...except for the English translation of the Roman Missal. Copyright 1974, International Commission on the English Language, all rights reserved."
Maybe you have to hear it to get it, but I think someone out there will find this hilarious.
Hope you enjoy it!
I wish I could have you hear what was done at the CMAA's music colloquium last year, it was just as good as this, if not better. Using fauxbourdon and gregorian chant, a psalm was sung with a touch of humor like this: verse (chant): You have called me and you know me, you know when I sit and when I stand, You understand my thoughts from afar; Refrain (fauxbourdon): "...except for the English translation of the Roman Missal. Copyright 1974, International Commission on the English Language, all rights reserved."
Maybe you have to hear it to get it, but I think someone out there will find this hilarious.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Growing as a musician and growing in holiness
I just thought I'd share some thoughts about my own experience with this. While in college I have found it interesting to see the parallels between struggling to grow as a musician, especially as a vocalist, and struggling to grow in holiness. Being a musician has helped me to better understand the struggles of the spiritual life. As a musician, it can be frustrating at times to see how slowly you progress. You realize you have deeply engrained habits in the way you sing (or play), that are very difficult to change to become better. To improve, you must be diligent in working on those problems/habits specifically even if you would rather practice what you are good at. You also will only improve as much as the effort you make to practice. Your singing is also very much affected by how well you physically, emotionally, and psychologically take care of yourself. For example, if you deprive yourself of sleep, it is very hard to sing without going flat, or to truly focus during practice time.
How similar the spiritual life is to musicianship! We tend to have deeply engrained sinful habits that can be frustrating because it is so hard to root them out. We can also become frustrated with ourselves when we know we do not take the time or effort to practice those virtues that will counter and help to change such habits. We also tend to prefer to continue those spiritual practices that we know we are good at and not challenge ourselves to take a step deeper in transformation and the path to holiness. We get in a comfort zone and for a while often like being in auto pilot. Our prayer life is also affected by every other aspect of our well being. If I am lacking in sleep, going to adoration is not as fruitful because I cannot focus and be as attentive to the Lord.
No matter what aspect of my life, it seems I cannot escape such fundamental spiritual realities. It manifests itself in all tasks and vocations in life. And on that note, I am going to head off to go practice organ, since I desperately need to if i really am going to get any better in that!
How similar the spiritual life is to musicianship! We tend to have deeply engrained sinful habits that can be frustrating because it is so hard to root them out. We can also become frustrated with ourselves when we know we do not take the time or effort to practice those virtues that will counter and help to change such habits. We also tend to prefer to continue those spiritual practices that we know we are good at and not challenge ourselves to take a step deeper in transformation and the path to holiness. We get in a comfort zone and for a while often like being in auto pilot. Our prayer life is also affected by every other aspect of our well being. If I am lacking in sleep, going to adoration is not as fruitful because I cannot focus and be as attentive to the Lord.
No matter what aspect of my life, it seems I cannot escape such fundamental spiritual realities. It manifests itself in all tasks and vocations in life. And on that note, I am going to head off to go practice organ, since I desperately need to if i really am going to get any better in that!
SNOW DAY!
Today we have a snow day! As the teachers here say, cancellation of classes is the only time students cheer to not get something they paid for. Coming from Vermont, it's awesome to get a snow day when there is only about 5 inchest of snow, if that. However they have a point in cancelling, since we are supposed to get sleet and ice a little later on. I think it will be a good day to take a nap. As a senior, it seems I never can get enough sleep! Course, when I have a friend from home that calls often, that makes it a little harder to get to bed on time :-) But that's okay. I'll sacrifice sleep for that.
Also, I'll be lacking sleep this weekend some more, since for the first time in a long time a group of friends and I are driving down to DC to go swing dancing at the Spanish Ballroom Saturday night. I'm excited, but it also means getting to bed at about 4am Sunday morning and having to wake up at 9am to get to church in Berlin, NJ. I guess a nap will be in order on Sunday afternoon when I get back. Hope everyone else has a good weekend!
Also, I'll be lacking sleep this weekend some more, since for the first time in a long time a group of friends and I are driving down to DC to go swing dancing at the Spanish Ballroom Saturday night. I'm excited, but it also means getting to bed at about 4am Sunday morning and having to wake up at 9am to get to church in Berlin, NJ. I guess a nap will be in order on Sunday afternoon when I get back. Hope everyone else has a good weekend!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Vision Statement
I currently am taking a the last class that is specific to my church music concentration and for one of our assignments we had to write a vision statement for our own parish or one that we would be involved in "planning worship" for. Now, there tends to be a fair amount of stuff covered in some of these classes that isn't all the practical or usuable for me since the Catholic understanding of a musicians role in worship is very different from that of most Protestants. Catholic musicians do not "plan" worship. It has its own set structure. We are there to serve the liturgy, even if our service is "ars integra" of the liturgy. However, with some tweaking, I think a vision statement is a wonderful idea for a Catholic parish that is trying to undertake reform/renewal of liturgy and music. It should be something that succintly gets across to the parishoners the direction the church is trying to head in and in broad terms, WHY that is the direction the church is taking. So considering my own future position as a music director, this is what I came up with so far, although I think I would want to give it some more thought and change it a little. Any of your own Catholic thoughts are welcome:
Vision Statement:
1) Rediscover and learn our Catholic heritage and traditions that have been forgotten and that enrich our faith.
2) Renew our parishes by combining the best of the old and new in our liturgy and parish life, embracing our traditions in a new way in light of the modern world.
3) Extend the gift of our faith to others, having strengthened our faith by the renewal of a Catholic culture and liturgical life, which fills us with a desire to be leaven for the world.
I think something like this gives some clarity to changes being made and helps to word the renewal in a positive way. I would think expressing the missionary aspect of the church as a result of that inner renewal would be important, considering the emphasis on such in "Sacramentum Caritatis".
Vision Statement:
1) Rediscover and learn our Catholic heritage and traditions that have been forgotten and that enrich our faith.
2) Renew our parishes by combining the best of the old and new in our liturgy and parish life, embracing our traditions in a new way in light of the modern world.
3) Extend the gift of our faith to others, having strengthened our faith by the renewal of a Catholic culture and liturgical life, which fills us with a desire to be leaven for the world.
I think something like this gives some clarity to changes being made and helps to word the renewal in a positive way. I would think expressing the missionary aspect of the church as a result of that inner renewal would be important, considering the emphasis on such in "Sacramentum Caritatis".
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The liturgical Tilt-a-whirl
Another tribute to Fr. Ben:
Does this church make anybody else feel as disoriented as being on an amusement ride?
Does this church make anybody else feel as disoriented as being on an amusement ride?*Side Note: Sadly, these really are Catholic Churches. Destroyed and hoisted upon Catholics by the one and only "Fr." Richard Vosko, alive and well and still on the rampage. :-(
New UFO Landing site
As a tribute to Fr. Ben:
Maybe if the aliens choose to come, they'll help to usher in Vatican III.
Maybe if the aliens choose to come, they'll help to usher in Vatican III.Piero Marini's book
There's been alot on the NLM blog recently about Piero Marini's new book dealing with Vatican II. One of the most recent reviews I found interesting was by Fr. George Rutler, who is a well known and respected orthodox priest near NYC I believe. Here is part of his review:
Marini is not a slave to the principle of noncontradiction. The Consilium was "to reflect the hopes and needs of local churches throughout the world," but two sentences later Holy Mother Church becomes something of a nanny: "In order to renew the liturgy, it was not enough to issue new directives; it was also necessary to change the attitudes of both the clergy and the lay faithful to enable them to grasp the purpose of the reform." In case the people thought something was being done to them instead of for them, various means of social communication would be required "in preparing the faithful to welcome the reform.
"The result was implemented on March 7, 1965, with the instruction Inter Oecumenici. Busy hands then set to work in their laboratory to introduce the "broad innovations" that the author says were desired by the council. Some of these matched propositions of the 1786 Synod of Pistoia that Pius VI condemned for its Jansenism. These included vernacularism, elimination of side altars, didactic ceremonial, and astringency of symbols. The versus populum posture of the celebrant was taken for granted in the romantic archeologism that Pius XII warned against in Mediator Dei. Translation of the lectionary gradually expanded to a practical neglect of Latin. Regrettably, the author seems to take an unedifying satisfaction in how the Congregation for Rites was "marginalized" and "now had to submit to the authority of the Consilium and accept its reform unconditionally."[...]
The editors of Marini's A Challenging Reform explain that their aim is to "keep alive" the "vision" of the Consilium, but their diction is a voice in a bunker, embittered by the failure of people to be grateful. If an organism is truly healthy, it does not need a life-support system. [...]For all its proponents' goodness of intention, this kind of thing confuses universality with internationalism, treats the awesome as picturesque, suburbanizes the City of God , and patronizes nations and races. [...]
Perhaps greater contact with pastoral reality would have anticipated the chaos that comes when ardent but misbegotten theories are imposed on the people of God who do not regularly read Notitiae. The blithe obliviousness of many experts to damage all around them is, nonetheless, breathtaking. At times in various lands it is like watching a venerable procession of Alcuin, Ivo of Chartres, Gueranger, Fortescue, and Jungmann and finding, at the end Inspector Clouseau.Those entrusted with so great a project as the Second Vatican Council would have done better had they not felt obliged to act with such haste. One problem in the frantic rush for deadlines was the inconvenience of the Italian postal system. There will never be another ecumenical council without email."
The part that really struck me and that I would like to know more about is the connection he mentions between reforms that were suggested after Vatican II and those that were suggested in the 1700s, many of which were the same, and back then were condemned for their Jansenism! if such is true, how and WHY did we end up approving such reforms in the 20th century?! It is not like principles of Jansenism are now ok. This really disturbed me and sometimes I feel like the more I learn about the liturgical reforms there were the implementation of Vatican Council II, the less I want to learn about it because I do not want to become overly depressed and pessimistic about the state of liturgy in the church or reject the new mass, despite my knowledge of how many "problems" it has.
It is hard for me as a young faithful Catholic at times to be part of the movement of restoration because just thinking about it can be tiring, but I know it must have been so much worse for all those orthodox faithful Catholics who lived through the 70s and 80s.
"Deal graciously, O Lord, with Sion in thy goodness, that the walls of Jerusalem may be rebuilt. Then wilt thou again accept true sacrifice, oblations, and burnt-offerings; then shall they offer bullocks upon thy altar." - Ps. 50
Marini is not a slave to the principle of noncontradiction. The Consilium was "to reflect the hopes and needs of local churches throughout the world," but two sentences later Holy Mother Church becomes something of a nanny: "In order to renew the liturgy, it was not enough to issue new directives; it was also necessary to change the attitudes of both the clergy and the lay faithful to enable them to grasp the purpose of the reform." In case the people thought something was being done to them instead of for them, various means of social communication would be required "in preparing the faithful to welcome the reform.
"The result was implemented on March 7, 1965, with the instruction Inter Oecumenici. Busy hands then set to work in their laboratory to introduce the "broad innovations" that the author says were desired by the council. Some of these matched propositions of the 1786 Synod of Pistoia that Pius VI condemned for its Jansenism. These included vernacularism, elimination of side altars, didactic ceremonial, and astringency of symbols. The versus populum posture of the celebrant was taken for granted in the romantic archeologism that Pius XII warned against in Mediator Dei. Translation of the lectionary gradually expanded to a practical neglect of Latin. Regrettably, the author seems to take an unedifying satisfaction in how the Congregation for Rites was "marginalized" and "now had to submit to the authority of the Consilium and accept its reform unconditionally."[...]
The editors of Marini's A Challenging Reform explain that their aim is to "keep alive" the "vision" of the Consilium, but their diction is a voice in a bunker, embittered by the failure of people to be grateful. If an organism is truly healthy, it does not need a life-support system. [...]For all its proponents' goodness of intention, this kind of thing confuses universality with internationalism, treats the awesome as picturesque, suburbanizes the City of God , and patronizes nations and races. [...]
Perhaps greater contact with pastoral reality would have anticipated the chaos that comes when ardent but misbegotten theories are imposed on the people of God who do not regularly read Notitiae. The blithe obliviousness of many experts to damage all around them is, nonetheless, breathtaking. At times in various lands it is like watching a venerable procession of Alcuin, Ivo of Chartres, Gueranger, Fortescue, and Jungmann and finding, at the end Inspector Clouseau.Those entrusted with so great a project as the Second Vatican Council would have done better had they not felt obliged to act with such haste. One problem in the frantic rush for deadlines was the inconvenience of the Italian postal system. There will never be another ecumenical council without email."
The part that really struck me and that I would like to know more about is the connection he mentions between reforms that were suggested after Vatican II and those that were suggested in the 1700s, many of which were the same, and back then were condemned for their Jansenism! if such is true, how and WHY did we end up approving such reforms in the 20th century?! It is not like principles of Jansenism are now ok. This really disturbed me and sometimes I feel like the more I learn about the liturgical reforms there were the implementation of Vatican Council II, the less I want to learn about it because I do not want to become overly depressed and pessimistic about the state of liturgy in the church or reject the new mass, despite my knowledge of how many "problems" it has.
It is hard for me as a young faithful Catholic at times to be part of the movement of restoration because just thinking about it can be tiring, but I know it must have been so much worse for all those orthodox faithful Catholics who lived through the 70s and 80s.
"Deal graciously, O Lord, with Sion in thy goodness, that the walls of Jerusalem may be rebuilt. Then wilt thou again accept true sacrifice, oblations, and burnt-offerings; then shall they offer bullocks upon thy altar." - Ps. 50
Sunday, February 10, 2008
My senior music recital
It is finally over! I don't have to think about it the rest of the semester. It was a hectic weekend with my family here, and things were really rushed in the morning before my recital. I was stressed out, got there late, all the other people singing in my recital were already there, waiting to practice, but in the end, all went well. I had 20 songs in my program, including 4 Gregorian chants from the Lenten season, two polyphony pieces by Palestrina, one by Guerrero, and the Burial Sentences by William Croft. The recital was pretty much exactly an hour and a half long. I made a few mistakes in my recital, but nothing anybody else noticed, so all is well. You can't expect perfection. I had the recital recorded, but i just realized today upon listening to the master CD that somehow the person recording for me only got HALF of the last song! So I'm a little upset today, because I was planning on having copies made, but I need to find out how that happened, and find a way to have the whole recording of the song. it really is a disappointment because it was Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria, which was one of my favorite songs in the program and i had worked hard to do that well. I pray that something will work out.
On a more positive note, it is interesting and satisfying as a singer to have previous recordings of myself, from high school and 1st year college, and to hear the huge difference in how I sing. It is a good feeling to know how much I have improved.
I had wanted to do a post this past week on Ash Wednesday at my parish, but it's a little late to say much about it now. All i will say, is that the men did an absolutely WONDERFUL job singing the chants, it truly is impossible to describe the effect they have on you. I had forgotten that the Ash Wednesday chants are some of the most beautiful in the church's repertoire. And they were made all the better by some of the men just singing a moving drone ( I don't know what else to call it) while the others chanted the melody: it adds SO MUCH depth to the chant, and even more moving! I don't think i had ever heard Nick do that with the men. Organum yes, drone, no. Although i guess it would be considered a type of organum.
Being able to sit and take in the beauty of the chant just fills me with such an excitement and desire to bring that beauty of chant to the rest of the church! I had taken Shawn and three other Catholics with us to my church that evening, who had never been to the latin mass or heard chant, and they found it to be absolutely beautiful and moving. I think that would be the reaction of most people if they heard chant done well, and in the context of a beautiful, sung liturgy. I just can't imagine people hearing the chant as we did and say to the music director afterwards: " I hated all that music, it was awful, don't ever do it again!" That is, unless they hate beauty and truth. I do understand though, that they needed to be provided with english translations as well.
On a more positive note, it is interesting and satisfying as a singer to have previous recordings of myself, from high school and 1st year college, and to hear the huge difference in how I sing. It is a good feeling to know how much I have improved.
I had wanted to do a post this past week on Ash Wednesday at my parish, but it's a little late to say much about it now. All i will say, is that the men did an absolutely WONDERFUL job singing the chants, it truly is impossible to describe the effect they have on you. I had forgotten that the Ash Wednesday chants are some of the most beautiful in the church's repertoire. And they were made all the better by some of the men just singing a moving drone ( I don't know what else to call it) while the others chanted the melody: it adds SO MUCH depth to the chant, and even more moving! I don't think i had ever heard Nick do that with the men. Organum yes, drone, no. Although i guess it would be considered a type of organum.
Being able to sit and take in the beauty of the chant just fills me with such an excitement and desire to bring that beauty of chant to the rest of the church! I had taken Shawn and three other Catholics with us to my church that evening, who had never been to the latin mass or heard chant, and they found it to be absolutely beautiful and moving. I think that would be the reaction of most people if they heard chant done well, and in the context of a beautiful, sung liturgy. I just can't imagine people hearing the chant as we did and say to the music director afterwards: " I hated all that music, it was awful, don't ever do it again!" That is, unless they hate beauty and truth. I do understand though, that they needed to be provided with english translations as well.
Monday, February 4, 2008
My Birthday
It's my birthday today, if anyone cares to know. I am now 22 years old, and making my parents feel really old :-)
This year is pretty uneventful just like last year. (Yes, you heard right, my 21st birthday was uneventful; I am not a fan of alcohol.)
Just hung out a little yesterday with some friends, and wanted to get a Coldstone ice cream cake (soooo good!) but unfortunately they didn't have any made, so that was a pretty big bummer.
On another note, I am bringing three young Catholics from my school to a latin mass at my church for the first time, they have never been to one. I pray their experience will be positive, even if it may be a bit confusing, especially since they are coming on Ash Wednesday and not a regular Sunday mass. But I think it is important to expose as many young people to the EF of the mass. they need to know what came before them, and the Latin mass is probably the best way for them to SEE the traditions of their faith. Then they have a standard, in a sense, by which to compare the NO mass. Without that, have much will they really understand of the renewal and reform taking place in the Church? I am guessing not as much.
Also, my senior music recital is in... 5 days!!! time seems to be going by so quickly! My Dad will be coming down here to visit for the first time, which is exciting. Pray that i sing really well, Since I am recording it! It is a 1 1/2 hr-long recital, so i hope i don't get too fatigued.
Work to do now, paper due Wednesday related to C.S. Lewis' "The abolition of man" which is starting to make my brain feel like mush, but sort of in a good way. However, I am glad i am not a theology major!
This year is pretty uneventful just like last year. (Yes, you heard right, my 21st birthday was uneventful; I am not a fan of alcohol.)
Just hung out a little yesterday with some friends, and wanted to get a Coldstone ice cream cake (soooo good!) but unfortunately they didn't have any made, so that was a pretty big bummer.
On another note, I am bringing three young Catholics from my school to a latin mass at my church for the first time, they have never been to one. I pray their experience will be positive, even if it may be a bit confusing, especially since they are coming on Ash Wednesday and not a regular Sunday mass. But I think it is important to expose as many young people to the EF of the mass. they need to know what came before them, and the Latin mass is probably the best way for them to SEE the traditions of their faith. Then they have a standard, in a sense, by which to compare the NO mass. Without that, have much will they really understand of the renewal and reform taking place in the Church? I am guessing not as much.
Also, my senior music recital is in... 5 days!!! time seems to be going by so quickly! My Dad will be coming down here to visit for the first time, which is exciting. Pray that i sing really well, Since I am recording it! It is a 1 1/2 hr-long recital, so i hope i don't get too fatigued.
Work to do now, paper due Wednesday related to C.S. Lewis' "The abolition of man" which is starting to make my brain feel like mush, but sort of in a good way. However, I am glad i am not a theology major!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Feast of the Presentation of the Lord: Candlemas: The Purification of the BVM
This special and beautiful feast just occurred in the church calendar yesterday, and unfortunately in much of the Church in America went unnoticed! If some of you don't know, this feast is actually one of the most ancient revelatory feasts about our Lord, and also about our Lady, originating in Jerusalem? So why is it we don't celebrate it anymore? Why is it that priests do not encourage my their example and teaching? This feast gives us one of the best ties with the Eastern catholic Church, since it was spread from there to the West. However, much of that East-West connection has been lost, and i would like to show how. First i will answer the question of why: because of the simplifying "revisions" of "implementing" Vatican II.
Now i'm not saying the teachings of Vatican II are bad, and I won't get into all my views about the liturgical calendar as a whole, but i must say when i compared the liturgies of Feb. 2nd, old and new, i was disappointed in the new mass when it comes to celebrating this feast.
The biggest differences is at the very beginning of the feast celebration. Historically, meaning from the middle ages all the way up till 1962, there have been 5 orations (prayers) to bless the candles that use much symbolism of fire and light and how they express our faith and Christ. These prayers are ancient and of Eastern origin. Then the candles are incensed and sprinkled with holy water, and then distributed to the priests and laity. During the distribution the choir sings the canticle of Simeon (Nunc dimittis) and the antiphon"Lumen ad revelationem gentium et gloriam plebis tuæ Israel" is sung after every verse until all the candles are passed out and lit. Then as the procession starts (going outside), the choir sings the antiphon "Adorna thalamum tuum, Sion", composed by St. John of Damascus, one of the few pieces which, text and music, have been borrowed by the Roman Church from the Greeks. The other antiphons are of Roman origin. The solemn procession represents the entry of Christ, who is the Light of the World, into the Temple of Jerusalem. there is a certain chant that is begun upon the congregations reentry into the church, and then the mass began right away and followed the structure of any normal mass with all the proper chants, Kyrie, gloria, etc.
Now compare this with the "new" liturgy: The 5 ancient orations have been done away with and replaced with one simple prayer. Not only that, but the candles are not all first blessed and then given to the people, they are handed out to the people and THEN blessed, which is really an odd way of blessing something! This also then means that the canticle of Simeon is NOT sung while candles are being passed out, the chant with its antiphon is not part of the ritual at all! There is actually a whole new created chant that is suggested to be sung, even though it is way to short to accompany the passing out of the candles. Also, how is the priest supposed to sprinkle all the candles with holy water when everyone is holding them first. Thankfully, the "Adorna..." chant is retained to be sung during the procession, but the one upon reentering the church has been changed to just chanting the introit, even though techincally, the procession is not yet done. Then, probably one of the strangest things, is that the missal says the Kyrie should be ommitted! (but the gloria is still sung). I have NEVER BEFORE seen instructions in a mass for the Kyrie to be omitted. the gloria, yes, during penitential seasons, but the Kyrie??
One last smaller difference: In the older rites, the people were to again hold their candles lit through the proclamation of the Gospel (and also throughout the whole Canon i believe), which is removed in the new rite.
So many rich meaningful prayers, rituals, and symbols have been lost!! Celebrating candlemas in the new rite of the mass can still be beautiful, but if done according to the books, it lacks A LOT of depth compared to the rich historical rituals and prayers that it used to have. Although, i have to wonder if you could change some things so that the structure looks more like the traditional structure in the beginning. I know you probably couldn't just ADD the 5 orations in, but maybe you could possibly bless all the candles together, and just sing the nunc dimittis anyway as candles are being distributed. And maybe you could just sing the old reentry chant anyway, THEn the introit, and hold lit candles during the gospel. maybe I am wrong in hoping that such changes could just be done, but i don't see how it would harm anything, if anything it would help to give the whole blessing and processional more coherence and structure.
Oh, one last thing: supposedly the priest can also choose right before distributing the candles, to give a short instruction about the meaning of the procession and the prayers, etc.
I pray that the Feast of the Presentation will someday become more celebrated in the church and will advocate for it to be done wherever I go, especially to have it done in the extraordinary form which makes evident the rich history of the feast and the East-West connection of the church much more clearly. It is a beautiful feast to be done in the evening on Feb. 2nd so that the candlelit procession is in the dark : - )
Now i'm not saying the teachings of Vatican II are bad, and I won't get into all my views about the liturgical calendar as a whole, but i must say when i compared the liturgies of Feb. 2nd, old and new, i was disappointed in the new mass when it comes to celebrating this feast.
The biggest differences is at the very beginning of the feast celebration. Historically, meaning from the middle ages all the way up till 1962, there have been 5 orations (prayers) to bless the candles that use much symbolism of fire and light and how they express our faith and Christ. These prayers are ancient and of Eastern origin. Then the candles are incensed and sprinkled with holy water, and then distributed to the priests and laity. During the distribution the choir sings the canticle of Simeon (Nunc dimittis) and the antiphon"Lumen ad revelationem gentium et gloriam plebis tuæ Israel" is sung after every verse until all the candles are passed out and lit. Then as the procession starts (going outside), the choir sings the antiphon "Adorna thalamum tuum, Sion", composed by St. John of Damascus, one of the few pieces which, text and music, have been borrowed by the Roman Church from the Greeks. The other antiphons are of Roman origin. The solemn procession represents the entry of Christ, who is the Light of the World, into the Temple of Jerusalem. there is a certain chant that is begun upon the congregations reentry into the church, and then the mass began right away and followed the structure of any normal mass with all the proper chants, Kyrie, gloria, etc.
Now compare this with the "new" liturgy: The 5 ancient orations have been done away with and replaced with one simple prayer. Not only that, but the candles are not all first blessed and then given to the people, they are handed out to the people and THEN blessed, which is really an odd way of blessing something! This also then means that the canticle of Simeon is NOT sung while candles are being passed out, the chant with its antiphon is not part of the ritual at all! There is actually a whole new created chant that is suggested to be sung, even though it is way to short to accompany the passing out of the candles. Also, how is the priest supposed to sprinkle all the candles with holy water when everyone is holding them first. Thankfully, the "Adorna..." chant is retained to be sung during the procession, but the one upon reentering the church has been changed to just chanting the introit, even though techincally, the procession is not yet done. Then, probably one of the strangest things, is that the missal says the Kyrie should be ommitted! (but the gloria is still sung). I have NEVER BEFORE seen instructions in a mass for the Kyrie to be omitted. the gloria, yes, during penitential seasons, but the Kyrie??
One last smaller difference: In the older rites, the people were to again hold their candles lit through the proclamation of the Gospel (and also throughout the whole Canon i believe), which is removed in the new rite.
So many rich meaningful prayers, rituals, and symbols have been lost!! Celebrating candlemas in the new rite of the mass can still be beautiful, but if done according to the books, it lacks A LOT of depth compared to the rich historical rituals and prayers that it used to have. Although, i have to wonder if you could change some things so that the structure looks more like the traditional structure in the beginning. I know you probably couldn't just ADD the 5 orations in, but maybe you could possibly bless all the candles together, and just sing the nunc dimittis anyway as candles are being distributed. And maybe you could just sing the old reentry chant anyway, THEn the introit, and hold lit candles during the gospel. maybe I am wrong in hoping that such changes could just be done, but i don't see how it would harm anything, if anything it would help to give the whole blessing and processional more coherence and structure.
Oh, one last thing: supposedly the priest can also choose right before distributing the candles, to give a short instruction about the meaning of the procession and the prayers, etc.
I pray that the Feast of the Presentation will someday become more celebrated in the church and will advocate for it to be done wherever I go, especially to have it done in the extraordinary form which makes evident the rich history of the feast and the East-West connection of the church much more clearly. It is a beautiful feast to be done in the evening on Feb. 2nd so that the candlelit procession is in the dark : - )
Saturday, January 19, 2008
My personal experience: the old mass affecting the new
Something i was thinking about today was the changes that the extraordinary form of the mass has caused in my liturgical and devotional life. It is interesting to note that for the first year of my encounter with the older form of the mass, it caused some confusion because of the great number of differences in the calendar structure and in the mass itself compared to the post-Vat. II calendar and liturgy. Also, because i had a pretty immediate attraction to the latin mass, i found going to the NO of the mass on weekdays to be frustrating at times as i came to understand better and better the richness of the EF of the mass.
However, i would like to say that i think (and hope) a balance is being reached in my life. I am still very much attracted to the EF mass, but it has now become a cause of enrichment of my experience of and participation in the NO of the mass. The EF mass, with its more set structure has given me a more solid foundation for truly praying the mass in union with the priest even when going to the NO of the mass. The EF mass has helped me to internalize the Eucharistic prayer, (or I prefer to always refer to it as THE Roman Canon) so that even despite the lack of quiet externally in a NO daily or weekend mass, i have been more easily able to foster that silence within by in a sense ignoring a lot of the spoken text of the priest in the NO of the mass because i have internalized his prayers and so unite my prayer with his. There are still times when this is hard, especially at daily masses when 1) Eucharistic prayer 2 is pretty much used by default, which makes me feel thrown into the consecration without preparation and hinders me from being able to properly offer the sacrifice and myself and my prayers with the priest to the Lord, and 2) when priests rush through this part of the mass, showing a lack of reverence and awe at this most powerful and mysterious sacramental reality taking place, especially when it can already be so short by use of Euch. prayer 2.
For me, there is one Roman canon. it is now imprinted upon my soul and i can pray no other at mass. I think that this is a special grace of the EF of the mass with its one set canon, which goes back at least to the 6th century. It has aided my internal prayer at the NO of the mass greatly.
Maybe this post will help even one priest to understand the power of the Roman Canon, or Eucharistic prayer 1.
However, i would like to say that i think (and hope) a balance is being reached in my life. I am still very much attracted to the EF mass, but it has now become a cause of enrichment of my experience of and participation in the NO of the mass. The EF mass, with its more set structure has given me a more solid foundation for truly praying the mass in union with the priest even when going to the NO of the mass. The EF mass has helped me to internalize the Eucharistic prayer, (or I prefer to always refer to it as THE Roman Canon) so that even despite the lack of quiet externally in a NO daily or weekend mass, i have been more easily able to foster that silence within by in a sense ignoring a lot of the spoken text of the priest in the NO of the mass because i have internalized his prayers and so unite my prayer with his. There are still times when this is hard, especially at daily masses when 1) Eucharistic prayer 2 is pretty much used by default, which makes me feel thrown into the consecration without preparation and hinders me from being able to properly offer the sacrifice and myself and my prayers with the priest to the Lord, and 2) when priests rush through this part of the mass, showing a lack of reverence and awe at this most powerful and mysterious sacramental reality taking place, especially when it can already be so short by use of Euch. prayer 2.
For me, there is one Roman canon. it is now imprinted upon my soul and i can pray no other at mass. I think that this is a special grace of the EF of the mass with its one set canon, which goes back at least to the 6th century. It has aided my internal prayer at the NO of the mass greatly.
Maybe this post will help even one priest to understand the power of the Roman Canon, or Eucharistic prayer 1.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
I actually have a few moments to make a post. I am not so stressed as i was at the beginning of the week. The Lord will give me the strength to deal with everything that he has placed before me if i remain faithful to Him and spend time in quiet with him. My greatest concern to start this semester has been that i won't have the time that i know i need alone with the Lord to grow in my relationship with him and deeper in love with him. So i pray that this concern does not become a reality by my own fault. I embark this semester with deeper thoughts about vocation and a call to search deeper within myself. I am coming ever closer to discovering the calling that God has placed within me of what i am called to be. My retreat in a cloister has provided much food for thought even if it wasn't the most enjoyable experience. I have learned several things. One, i know for sure i am not called to cloistered religious life, if i am called to live in community; two, i believe i have come out with a greater dependence on God, but it will need to be fostered continually by prayer and silence if it is to bear the fruits of humility and greater charity and all other virtues; three, that i had at least partially fallen into the modern trap of thinking of a vocation along the lines of what i am called to do rather than what i am called to be; fourth, this greater understanding of vocation has led me into a whole other level so to speak of my vocational discernment that is at once more complex and at times tiring because i just desire to know where I am called, but at the same time i am driven on for my heart will be restless until it rests in God; fifth, time needs to be taken this last semester to grow to a deeper understanding of my talents and what i do as the fruit of my vocation, and so converse with the Lord as to how the passions and talents that are rooted deep within me are to be part of my vocation or affect it; sixth, I have learned that there is also the Order of Virgins as a way of publicly being consecrated to the Lord but living in the world, which i will look into as well as religious communities; seventh, without community of some sort, of really close friends to share with each other our spiritual journeys, I become lost quite easily. Even if consecrated in the world, i would need at least 1 0r 2 people to share like this with.
And really there is probably much more that i have learned from having taken retreat, which will bear fruit in due time. May i remember to place all in the care of Our Lady.
And really there is probably much more that i have learned from having taken retreat, which will bear fruit in due time. May i remember to place all in the care of Our Lady.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Few posts
I will say now that I at least know that until after May, my posts will probably be few and far between. I'm in my last semester of college, with 18 credits, a senior recital in 4 weeks, 2 classes requiring traveling off campus, and job searching to do for after i graduate. Things will be a bit stressful. for any of you who read this blog, say a prayer for me! I'm going to need it, i already am feeling the stress, and it's only the first day back...
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